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SPN: After The End
Fandom: Supernatural
Main characters: Sam, Castiel
Referenced characters: Dean
Pairings: Sam/Castiel, possible implied Sam/Dean and Dean/Castiel (possibly unrequited)
Contains: Angst, death, (incest?)
Rating: PG
Summary: Sam hardly has anything left of Dean.
Notes: In my head, neither Sam or Castiel were in that kind of relationship with Dean, and only Castiel actually wanted that. But you can take from this what you will. It sort of follows And Now, but the two can stand alone (and maybe, should).
He has the car, and he has memories, and he has the people who knew Dean too. And he has Castiel. He doesn't know why Castiel stays, when all he has are bitter burnt words for him, words of blame and anger. He's never understood Castiel, never understood the bond that tied his brother and the angel together, and he doesn't understand now why Castiel stays. He figures it might be some promise to Dean -- "look after Sammy" -- but that just makes him angrier, because then Castiel heard some last word from Dean and he didn't.
Sometimes, it's like all he has is his anger, all over again, burning. It's like it's physical, but the painkillers and antacids and the alcohol don't help.
He's not drunk, tonight. Not really. He feels like it, though, light-headed and giddy and angry, but Castiel is like immovable stone when he moves to shake him.
"Why are you so angry, Sam?" he asks, as if he really doesn't understand.
"You -- "
"Don't say it was my fault," Castiel says, and suddenly there's a heat in his words, bubbling, like the same deep burning pain is about to erupt in him. "Don't. Dean did what he did because he wanted to. Because he knew it was necessary. I would have let the world end rather than have him do what he did."
"Liar," Sam says, like a snarl, and Castiel catches his wrists, holds them hard.
"Sam -- "
"Give him back," he demands, uselessly, and Castiel's grip eases.
"Sam," he says, again, soft, understanding, and Sam wants to hit him. "Don't you think I would, if I could?"
"You'd say he deserves rest or something."
But Castiel's eyes hold all the sadness of someone who knows better. "If you prefer to think of him being at peace, then I will not say any different."
Sam moves, hard, not breaking the grip but moving within it. He doesn't know what he means to do -- bite Castiel, maybe, ridiculous as that sounds, but instead he kisses him. "I loved him, you asshole. I loved him so much. And now he's gone and he's never coming back and I can't do anything!"
And he doesn't know what he expected Castiel to do, but he kisses back, just as hard, just as unyielding, like they're a door and a battering ram, but Sam doesn't know which of them is the door, like two armies clashing, uselessly, over and over again. For the first time since Dean died, Sam feels as if his heart is beating.
"I loved him too," Castiel says, harsh and hurting, and he bites, bites at Sam's lip. "I loved him more than you can understand. You're nothing to me compared to him. You will never be half the man he was."
That hurts, oh, it hurts, but that's because he believes it too, and Sam snarls again and bites and kisses and shoves against the hard unyielding rock that is Castiel, because it won't change anything but maybe he'll dash himself into pieces, as many pieces as there were of Dean, at the end.
Main characters: Sam, Castiel
Referenced characters: Dean
Pairings: Sam/Castiel, possible implied Sam/Dean and Dean/Castiel (possibly unrequited)
Contains: Angst, death, (incest?)
Rating: PG
Summary: Sam hardly has anything left of Dean.
Notes: In my head, neither Sam or Castiel were in that kind of relationship with Dean, and only Castiel actually wanted that. But you can take from this what you will. It sort of follows And Now, but the two can stand alone (and maybe, should).
He has the car, and he has memories, and he has the people who knew Dean too. And he has Castiel. He doesn't know why Castiel stays, when all he has are bitter burnt words for him, words of blame and anger. He's never understood Castiel, never understood the bond that tied his brother and the angel together, and he doesn't understand now why Castiel stays. He figures it might be some promise to Dean -- "look after Sammy" -- but that just makes him angrier, because then Castiel heard some last word from Dean and he didn't.
Sometimes, it's like all he has is his anger, all over again, burning. It's like it's physical, but the painkillers and antacids and the alcohol don't help.
He's not drunk, tonight. Not really. He feels like it, though, light-headed and giddy and angry, but Castiel is like immovable stone when he moves to shake him.
"Why are you so angry, Sam?" he asks, as if he really doesn't understand.
"You -- "
"Don't say it was my fault," Castiel says, and suddenly there's a heat in his words, bubbling, like the same deep burning pain is about to erupt in him. "Don't. Dean did what he did because he wanted to. Because he knew it was necessary. I would have let the world end rather than have him do what he did."
"Liar," Sam says, like a snarl, and Castiel catches his wrists, holds them hard.
"Sam -- "
"Give him back," he demands, uselessly, and Castiel's grip eases.
"Sam," he says, again, soft, understanding, and Sam wants to hit him. "Don't you think I would, if I could?"
"You'd say he deserves rest or something."
But Castiel's eyes hold all the sadness of someone who knows better. "If you prefer to think of him being at peace, then I will not say any different."
Sam moves, hard, not breaking the grip but moving within it. He doesn't know what he means to do -- bite Castiel, maybe, ridiculous as that sounds, but instead he kisses him. "I loved him, you asshole. I loved him so much. And now he's gone and he's never coming back and I can't do anything!"
And he doesn't know what he expected Castiel to do, but he kisses back, just as hard, just as unyielding, like they're a door and a battering ram, but Sam doesn't know which of them is the door, like two armies clashing, uselessly, over and over again. For the first time since Dean died, Sam feels as if his heart is beating.
"I loved him too," Castiel says, harsh and hurting, and he bites, bites at Sam's lip. "I loved him more than you can understand. You're nothing to me compared to him. You will never be half the man he was."
That hurts, oh, it hurts, but that's because he believes it too, and Sam snarls again and bites and kisses and shoves against the hard unyielding rock that is Castiel, because it won't change anything but maybe he'll dash himself into pieces, as many pieces as there were of Dean, at the end.
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