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Entry tags:
FFVIII: Instinct
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Pairing: Seifer/Edea
Warnings: Angst
Rating: PG
Summary: Somewhere between breaking and broken. For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lunarwolf2002, for Christmas.
"Things still haven't gone back to the way they used to be," he says. Edea looks up at him, her eyes flickering over him in a few seconds, taking it in; the slumped shoulders and the dullness in his eyes. She stands up, smoothing her skirt, and looks into his eyes -- takes his hands into hers.
"Seifer," she says, gently, and then again, as if his name will call the old him back, through time; "Seifer. You know that it'll take time. You know that -- you've always known it'd be hard. Don't... don't give up. People are waiting for you. I'm -- for what it's worth -- I'm sorry about everything that happened to you. You know I am. I never wanted any of it -- I wanted to protect you from it."
He shakes his head, squeezing her hands gently. "You think I blame you, Matron?"
"No, but -- "
"I don't. I never could." He leans down and brushes a kiss over her cheek, his eyes closed. For a moment she's full of the irrational desire to cling to him, hold tight to him, share whatever they have because they went through hell under Ultimecia's grip on their minds, and to some extent, they walked through hell together, hand in hand. Instead, she draws back, and he gives her the saddest look she's ever seen on him: sadness and humility and oh...
Oh.
"Can I always come to you, Matron?" he asks, his eyes on hers. Oh.
"Always," she says, her heart in her mouth, on her tongue, in her words. He smiles at her then and kisses her cheek again and leaves, and she feels a little lighter, then, lighter of heart, because he still smiles as he leaves. She hopes.
At the same time, she feels like she might almost cry.
---
"How are things?" Edea asks, because it seems the place to start. He's watching her, silent, his eyes dark, unreadable. "I heard you went back to Garden at last, that Squall accepted you as a student. How're things going?"
"I'm to sit my written exams in two weeks," he says, quietly, almost automatically. "My field exam is in a month."
"You think you can pass this time?"
He smirks, just a little, that old edge to it. "Of course I can."
That, too, lightens her heart, as his first smile did. He lost that beautiful confidence sometime during the war, sometime between breaking and broken, and she didn't know if she'd ever see it again. It always annoyed her, when he was a child, but at the same time -- at the same time, he seemed naked without it, half a person. Broken, indeed. She smiles at him, now, because he's found that part of himself again.
"Good luck, then."
"I don't need luck," he says carelessly, and he smirks at her again. "But I won't object to it if you insist."
"I insist."
He's still staring at her, the flicker of emotion in his eyes not quite consistent with his words. She wants to reach out -- bring him to her with words of compassion, but she holds still, waiting. Waiting for him to show her.
He gets up, after a minute, and with that same sudden movement she's seen him use in battle -- through another's eyes, as it seemed sometimes then -- he comes over to her and leans down and kisses her. Not on the cheek this time, but on the lips, an eager kiss that is all Seifer, fire and passion and bright hot want.
And then he pulls away and leaves the room, leaves her house and walks away, without waiting for her to say anything -- as if knowing she won't want to move for now, won't be able to stir from the spot. She raises a hand, slowly, to touch her lips, and then sighs.
---
It's been a month and a half, and Edea hasn't seen Seifer at all. She doesn't like Garden, but she goes, to find him, to find out how he feels, how he's thinking, what he's done. And, on some level, whether he's a SeeD now. She'd thought he'd come to tell her if he was -- or even if he wasn't. Squall tells her where he is and she goes, knocks on the door -- surprised, almost, when he lets her in.
He stares at her.
"I'm sorry," he says, before she can get a word out. He steps back, away from her, and something about him is entirely how it used to be. A healed Seifer, despite everything. And yet something is not, something is still twisted, broken...
"Sorry for what, Seifer?"
"For what I did. I'm sorry. I didn't -- "
She moves closer to him, puts an arm around his shoulders and lets him lean against her just a little, just a fraction of his weight. His stance is the old one; Matron, I'm hurt, comfort me, it says, and she can't deny that. She reaches up and gently strokes his hair, making a soft, soothing noise.
"I love you," he says, and she closes her eyes -- to deny it, or in pain, or in some horrible motherly emotion that strikes at her heart, she's no longer sure. She says nothing. She holds him.
Pairing: Seifer/Edea
Warnings: Angst
Rating: PG
Summary: Somewhere between breaking and broken. For
lunarwolf2002, for Christmas."Things still haven't gone back to the way they used to be," he says. Edea looks up at him, her eyes flickering over him in a few seconds, taking it in; the slumped shoulders and the dullness in his eyes. She stands up, smoothing her skirt, and looks into his eyes -- takes his hands into hers.
"Seifer," she says, gently, and then again, as if his name will call the old him back, through time; "Seifer. You know that it'll take time. You know that -- you've always known it'd be hard. Don't... don't give up. People are waiting for you. I'm -- for what it's worth -- I'm sorry about everything that happened to you. You know I am. I never wanted any of it -- I wanted to protect you from it."
He shakes his head, squeezing her hands gently. "You think I blame you, Matron?"
"No, but -- "
"I don't. I never could." He leans down and brushes a kiss over her cheek, his eyes closed. For a moment she's full of the irrational desire to cling to him, hold tight to him, share whatever they have because they went through hell under Ultimecia's grip on their minds, and to some extent, they walked through hell together, hand in hand. Instead, she draws back, and he gives her the saddest look she's ever seen on him: sadness and humility and oh...
Oh.
"Can I always come to you, Matron?" he asks, his eyes on hers. Oh.
"Always," she says, her heart in her mouth, on her tongue, in her words. He smiles at her then and kisses her cheek again and leaves, and she feels a little lighter, then, lighter of heart, because he still smiles as he leaves. She hopes.
At the same time, she feels like she might almost cry.
"How are things?" Edea asks, because it seems the place to start. He's watching her, silent, his eyes dark, unreadable. "I heard you went back to Garden at last, that Squall accepted you as a student. How're things going?"
"I'm to sit my written exams in two weeks," he says, quietly, almost automatically. "My field exam is in a month."
"You think you can pass this time?"
He smirks, just a little, that old edge to it. "Of course I can."
That, too, lightens her heart, as his first smile did. He lost that beautiful confidence sometime during the war, sometime between breaking and broken, and she didn't know if she'd ever see it again. It always annoyed her, when he was a child, but at the same time -- at the same time, he seemed naked without it, half a person. Broken, indeed. She smiles at him, now, because he's found that part of himself again.
"Good luck, then."
"I don't need luck," he says carelessly, and he smirks at her again. "But I won't object to it if you insist."
"I insist."
He's still staring at her, the flicker of emotion in his eyes not quite consistent with his words. She wants to reach out -- bring him to her with words of compassion, but she holds still, waiting. Waiting for him to show her.
He gets up, after a minute, and with that same sudden movement she's seen him use in battle -- through another's eyes, as it seemed sometimes then -- he comes over to her and leans down and kisses her. Not on the cheek this time, but on the lips, an eager kiss that is all Seifer, fire and passion and bright hot want.
And then he pulls away and leaves the room, leaves her house and walks away, without waiting for her to say anything -- as if knowing she won't want to move for now, won't be able to stir from the spot. She raises a hand, slowly, to touch her lips, and then sighs.
It's been a month and a half, and Edea hasn't seen Seifer at all. She doesn't like Garden, but she goes, to find him, to find out how he feels, how he's thinking, what he's done. And, on some level, whether he's a SeeD now. She'd thought he'd come to tell her if he was -- or even if he wasn't. Squall tells her where he is and she goes, knocks on the door -- surprised, almost, when he lets her in.
He stares at her.
"I'm sorry," he says, before she can get a word out. He steps back, away from her, and something about him is entirely how it used to be. A healed Seifer, despite everything. And yet something is not, something is still twisted, broken...
"Sorry for what, Seifer?"
"For what I did. I'm sorry. I didn't -- "
She moves closer to him, puts an arm around his shoulders and lets him lean against her just a little, just a fraction of his weight. His stance is the old one; Matron, I'm hurt, comfort me, it says, and she can't deny that. She reaches up and gently strokes his hair, making a soft, soothing noise.
"I love you," he says, and she closes her eyes -- to deny it, or in pain, or in some horrible motherly emotion that strikes at her heart, she's no longer sure. She says nothing. She holds him.
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