FFVIII: Fugitive (2)

[edenbound]

Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Pairing: Seifer/Squall
Warnings: Squall POV, angst, sap
Chapter: Two
Rating: PG
Summary: Seifer is on the run, and meets his lover only once every few months. For multi-chapter fics, warnings and pairings are chapter specific.

Seifer didn't meet me in Deling City. I waited for him there all night, hoping that he would come, but late, that he'd come with his smile and his smirk, maybe when I was half asleep with waiting, and surprise me. But in the morning, I knew that I couldn't wait there any longer and I left. I knew that he would make sure that he made it to Esthar, he wanted to see me perhaps even more than I wanted to see him.

I didn't even think of the possibility that he wouldn't show up in Esthar, either.

But when he didn't, I knew something was wrong. Badly wrong.

Either he had been captured – but I didn't think so, that would have been all over the news, right? Or he was barely ahead of the authorities, moving on so quickly he couldn't even stop for a night.

I didn't know what to do.

All the time we were apart, I thought of him constantly. In the day, I missed our duels, the way he'd draw me out and refuse to let me lose myself into just one thing. In the night I missed him, his warmth beside me, his touch, the gentle way he'd drag his fingers through my hair. The sex, too, sex that I knew could never be so good with another because Seifer and I knew each other so well, no one could ever know us better.

There was no one I could go to. Seifer and I had kept our relationship completely private, because people like Quistis tend to get overly concerned about things like that – little things like that fact that we would be SeeDs, that our missions would be dangerous, and that we would want to protect each other, be sad if the other died. And I didn't dare reveal it to anyone even then.

“Squall, are you alright?”

Laguna Loire. Always like that. Poking in my business, always asking if I was alright, if I felt okay – if I was getting enough sleep, was eating well, and whether I was doing too much work or not. He was my father. And he felt as if even after all the years I hadn't known I had a father still alive, he had to act like a father to me. Sometimes, it seemed almost more like motherly fussing.

“I'm fine, fine,” I said, rubbing the scar across my nose and wincing slightly to myself at how quickly Seifer came to mind when I did that.

“Something wrong?”

I hesitated, moving to cradle the phone between my shoulder and my ear, freeing both hands to reach for something to get on with some work. “Not really.”

“Don't lie to me,” he said, half teasingly. “Tell your old man what's up.”

I sighed at that. I almost felt like telling him, there and then. Spilling out my guts on the phone. “Well... if someone precious to you disappeared, and you couldn't get in contact with them, what would you do?”

“You know what I'd do,” he said, quietly, and I remembered the way he'd gone to search for Ellone. I nodded slightly, even though he couldn't see it.

“But now? With all your responsibilities?”

“Of course,” he said, completely serious now in a way I'd barely ever known him to be before, not a trace of a laughter or bungling. “If Ellone... or you vanished, I'd, well, I'd tear the world apart looking for you.”

“Even though you know we can take care of ourselves?” I asked, eyebrow raised.

“Even then.” He shifted, and I heard a load of paper slip down off his desk, smacking against the floor, and I heard his curse, quickly muffled. “Sorry. Just dropped something. Squall... are you missing someone?”

“Yes,” I whispered, and I didn't want to say it, but not saying it would be like denying Seifer's existence, our relationship. The relationship that now felt much like just a dream, a whisper, that had now ended, gone silent. I had a feeling that Laguna would understand. “I want to find him.”

“Him?”

“Can I come and stay with you for a while?”

It wasn't the first time I'd made the request. The first time Seifer had contacted me after the war, it had been from Esthar. I'd been horrified that he was there, with so many people, and not moving around, seemingly with no idea how to act when on the run. Turned out, he wanted me to arrest him. Take him to justice. But I wouldn't, because I knew what he didn't, that people pushed for a death sentence. Without trial.

So I stayed in Esthar for a while, meeting up with Seifer every day, until we had worked out a plan for him. That should have kept him safe and yet allowed us to meet once in a while.

Seemingly, that plan had failed.

“Of course,” Laguna sounded curious and enthusiastic.

“I'll tell you more about this then,” I told him. I ended the call as quickly as I could, arranging to be in Esthar as soon as possible, and realised that now I needed to request a vacation from Cid.

Or maybe not.

If I was going to go looking for Seifer, it might be better if I disappeared too. If no one knew where I was while I looked for him, so no one could follow me to him. So I left Garden, taking Lionheart and all the little essentials with me – essentials for a SeeD. I left behind the uniform, all the marks of being Commander. I'd never really cared for the rank anyway. For all I knew I'd be stripped of it when I returned to Garden, for leaving – I didn't care.

-----

“Squall!”

Just like that, he grabbed me, wrapping me up in one of the tightest hugs I've ever known. He crushed me close to him and I wondered if that was really what a father was like. If it was, I was glad. My images of a father had never been as warm and cheerful as Laguna.

Probably because I'm not a cheerful person.

“You can explain all about why you're here later, but is there anything important you need to tell me?”

“If anyone calls from Garden, I'm not here.”

He nodded at that and glanced at Kiros, who nodded to show that he had heard and would make sure that everybody. I liked Esthar. If Laguna said something, be it ever so surprising, Kiros made sure it happened anyway. They were obedient. And they loved their leader, goofy as he could be. I'd once thought of him as a moron. I hadn't realised that he was a moron people would follow, though.

Even I might follow Laguna, if it ever came to that.

For a long time, he wouldn't hear a word of why I was actually there. He showed me to a room, told me to shower and change, asked me if I wanted a nap and when I declined, fussed about and then we ate. And finally, when we were done eating, he led me into a room with comfortable chairs and a sofa, and he smiled at me, waving a hand around.

“Sit wherever you like.”

I sat.

“Aww, my favourite chair,” he mock-pouted at me, and I rolled my eyes. He sat down and got serious again. It unnerved me slightly, that he had such a serious mood, and that he could get into it so easily. “Now. Tell me about it all. From the beginning.”

So I told him. I told him how Seifer and I started our relationship. I told him about the way fights led to kissing and without even knowing why, I told him that we'd had sex. When I was barely fifteen, and he'd been barely sixteen. How our fights had kept people from even suspecting our relationship. How we'd both kept it secret so long.

And I told him about the days after the war, in his own city, and for a moment he lightened the mood, tsking softly. “Seifer Almasy was in Esthar and none of my agents noticed? Shame on them.”

But then he let me continue and I told him all of it. The meetings near hotels, him leaving before dawn. And the fact that he hadn't shown up the last two times we were supposed to be meeting. How worried I was. How I hadn't had a call or a note or anything to indicate Seifer was still free.

And Laguna moved towards me again, caught me up in a hug and let me rest my head against his shoulder. It didn't seem so strange that he was my father, for a moment. It seemed only natural to let him hug me, hold me, comfort me.

“I'll do whatever I can to help you,” he said, when he pulled away, and I pulled away too, trying to cover up my weakness again.

“I need to find him myself.”

“Nevertheless,” he said, smiling, “Estharian intelligence could be a good start. You'll have to ask Kiros about that. And Esthar could be a good base to work from, since you shouldn't go back to Garden during your search.”

I nodded slightly. “Thank you,” I said, awkwardly, “for wanting to help me.”

“Thank you,” he said, shaking his head, “for allowing me to help you. And now, I think it's your bedtime.”

I laughed. It surprised him a little, I think. But the way he said it, it almost made the situation real. Me, and my father. Suddenly the word was just so much less alien. My father. So I tried the word.

“Good night, dad.”

I walked out of the room, catching only the tiniest glimpse of his delighted expression. He knew not to follow me and I went to my own room, lay down between the cool sheets, and thought of Seifer.