ext_65778 ([identity profile] mneme-forgets.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] edenbound 2006-03-23 08:22 pm (UTC)

This is an excellent character study of Fujin. I love the sad lonely sorts of thoughts that you give her. They don't like her because she's weird and she doesn't want them because they're stupid like that. It makes sense for her to be so worshipful of Seifer in such a context.

I really enjoy the way you make her all-caps speech the result of the way she is unaccustomed to speaking.

Nitpicking:
"So she's sat in the cafeteria, all alone, and she doesn't mind." So this is merely a matter of opinion, but "sat" strikes me oddly here, since the rest of the story is in the present tense. I would use "sitting," I think.

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