F: Brought to the Edge and Always Crossing the Lines (3/4)
Fandom: Firefly
Main characters: Simon, River, Mal, Kaylee, Zoe, Tracey, Jayne, Inara, Book, Wash, OCs
Referenced characters: Simon's parents
Pairings: Implied Tracey/Kaylee (and Simon/River depending on your interpretation; it's not what I intended)
Contains: Angst, AU, violence
Rating: PG13
Summary: Simon began by searching for someone to help him save River. When he failed to save her, he decided he would go to any lengths to get a second chance. In the course of things, he finds himself on Serenity anyway. He is not particularly welcome, but that doesn't matter. Only River matters.
Notes: This is my![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
firefly_bigbang! Let's pretend I haven't cocked up a million times in the course of this! Thank you primarily to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
feywood, for the beta and the encouragement; thank you also to auroraprimavera for the encouragement. Thank you, ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
yvi, for being so patient with my cock-ups! ♥ Title from Seth Lakeman's song, Circle Grows. Split into parts merely because it's too long for LJ to handle.
Art: Here.
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV
The ship was called Serenity. He remembered the name from somewhere, but it didn't really matter. What it meant was that he had a chance. He had a chance to help River. That was the important thing; that was all that mattered. He had a plan and this time he had more experience to back it. He had a case full of weapons and a head full of plans and he was ready to do whatever was necessary, this time. River was being used -- played with, messed up. He'd said, he'd been promising he'd save her. She'd always known, somehow, that it'd be his job to play Prince Charming. He'd known, too, in a part of him that he didn't really care to acknowledge.
Well, then, it was time.
The boat didn't look like anything special. It looked like the kind of ship that was running on favours and promises; it looked like a last resort. Simon supposed that was appropriate. He'd run out of money a long time ago, and all he had now were promises and dispensations. He'd fit in well enough here -- and if he didn't, it wasn't as if it mattered. To think it did was to think like he was still a rich young man on Osiris, as if he had everything he needed and could obtain almost everything he wanted.
Now he had to be like anyone else, taking his chances where he found them, whatever they looked like.
The captain greeted him on the ramp. "All we're doing is transporting you," he said, gruff. He looked like he thought he was some kind of cowboy. Simon thought that was the fashion, out here on the Rim, the ragged edge. His gun was at his side, prominent. It was all rather unsubtle, but Simon couldn't smile. "Don't want to know what you're going to do when you get there," the man said. "Don't want to get caught up in it."
"I have no intention of telling you that kind of secret," Simon said, meeting the captain's eyes steadily. "You're not a member of the resistance. Why would I trust you?"
The captain snorted softly, though there was something approving in his expression. There were others behind him: crew members, Simon assumed. One of them made an impatient little movement, some little noise. The captain turned to him, eyebrow raised. "Tracey? Got somethin' you wanna be sayin'?"
"Sarge, we should help him," the boy said. He really was barely more than a boy -- there was something terribly open and ingenuous about his face, and there seemed to be a smile there just waiting to come out. Though, there was also a look which suggested life regularly delivered a kick in the teeth, too. He was the sort of boy that could fall on his feet, with money and guidance and time to grow up, space without need for responsbilities. Simon suspected that life would deliver none of these. "We should join the resistance. It's stupid, dodging around like this, pissing the Alliance off just a bit and never enough. We hate the way things are, why don't we ever try to change it?"
"You wanna see Kaylee in the middle of some great big battle?"
The boy didn't respond, his face falling. The captain nodded at him and then looked back at Simon. His eyes were narrowed: he seemed to be sizing Simon up. Simon cleared his throat. "My name is Simon. Tam. I was a doctor."
"Still a doctor, ain't you? Maybe you can pay your passage with your skills." Mal grimaced. "Boy thinks he's a hero -- he's a barely adequate medic, at a pinch. Wouldn't trust him in a gun fight, barely trust him in the infirmary when we need him. Leaves the place in a hell of a mess."
"Sarge!"
Simon ignored that. "My passage is already paid in full. You know that, Captain."
"Not much of a doctor if you'd let someone bleed to death."
"I wasn't aware that anyone would be doing any bleeding. You're not being paid to take a detour. You're on my business, not your own."
There was an uncomfortable silence and then the captain shrugged, nodded. "That's true enough. I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds. Mal. These are some of my crew -- Tracey, an' Zoe. Zoe's my second in command. She says something, you listen to her. Tracey, well, we're mostly just keeping him out of trouble."
Perhaps Tracey would, after all, fall on his feet, Simon thought. Not that it was any affair of his. "Small crew."
"There's more inside." Mal nodded slightly. "The pilot, Wash. Kaylee's our mechanic. We've got a companion on board. And a merc. Even a preacher."
"Unusual mix."
"We live life on the wild side," Mal said, dryly.
"I'm sure," Simon said, equally dry. There was a pause and then he nodded, carefully. "I'm coming aboard now, then."
"You don't, we'd leave without you," the captain said, with a brisk nod.
"With my fee? That would be a mistake."
Another pause, and then: "You got any baggage?"
"Just these," Simon said, indicating the two cases at his feet and the bag he carried. "Handle the cases carefully."
"I'll have you leave them in the hold."
"That will be fine." Simon picked up one of the cases and walked into the hold without any further invitation, stowing the case carefully. Zoe brought up the other one. "Are you going to strap them down?"
"No need," she said. "My husband's the best pilot you could ask for. They'll be perfectly safe."
"They'd better be. Some of the things inside these cases explode upon impact."
"Best tie 'em down," the captain said. He glanced at Simon. "You need to get anything from 'em, ask a member of the crew to bring you. I don't want you wanderin' about on your own."
"Of course."
"I'll show you your room," Zoe said, after a moment of silence. She nodded at the metal stairs. "That way. I'll introduce you to the rest of the crew, if they're about. No point to you spendin' this whole journey in your room alone."
"I'd rather he did," Mal said, but Simon -- and apparently Zoe, as well -- pretended not to hear.
---
Simon received a lot of advice from the others, before he left. Some of it had been terribly obvious, and some of it should have been obvious, but somehow he'd never thought of it. One of the pieces of advice he kept in mind at the meal was: Eyes and ears open, mouth shut.. It wasn't too difficult a maxim to keep in mind, especially in the rather noisy company of Mal's crew. They did seem a disparate bunch. The pilot -- Wash, Simon thought, wondering at the strange name -- was talking, brightly, to Kaylee, the mechanic. She had already tried to make friends with Simon, so open and honest that he wasn't able to keep from smiling back, from thinking that he would like to know her better. Wash wasn't really making much sense, at least not to anyone who didn't understand engines, but Kaylee was laughing, all bright and warm, and Simon thought that anyone would like to see that.
It made him think of River, even in the midst of that warmth and noise that had nothing to do with her. He tried not to think about it. Instead, he looked at the other members of the crew. He'd already taken the measure of Zoe, and of the captain. He noted, however, that the warmth touched the captain too, drawing him in, despite his attempts at distance. As Simon watched, he ruffled Kaylee's hair, smiled a surprisingly bright smile. Simon hadn't expected that of him.
The boy from before -- Tracey -- was there, too. He was making eyes at Kaylee. Every now and then she caught his eyes and smiled back, but Simon suspected that Tracey had never got up the guts to say anything to her about it.
The others, he hadn't yet met. There was the mercenary -- he could be nothing else, although they hadn't been introduced. He carried a large knife openly, even leaned across the table to stab something with it, transferring it to his own plate. Simon fought down his distaste, tried to show nothing, tried not to push himself forward into their company, but to remain outside it. To remain almost unnoticed. The preacher was distinctive, too, and before he ate he sat for a moment silently, eyes closed.
And then Inara. The companion. She is beautiful: Simon doesn't think anyone would dispute that. And she must be good at her job. Even here, she's a sensual presence, mysterious, dark-eyed.
"Simon?" Kaylee nudged him. "Don't you want any of the fruit? We don't get it often."
"Thank you," he says, taking a strawberry, smiling at Kaylee's enthusiasm. He felt the others' eyes on him, sizing him up, as he'd been sizing them up. It didn't matter.
"Is something wrong?" Kaylee asked, then, frowning just a little.
"Let him be, Kaylee," Mal said, shaking his head. "He wants to sit quiet, he's paid enough for it."
Kaylee bit her lip, but she did let him be -- for the moment, at least. Simon thought he should be thankful for that.
---
"If you really just want to sit quiet, I'll go, but... I thought you might be feeling lonely." Simon looked up to see Kaylee standing in the doorway, looking hopeful. She clicked on the light, padded through to make herself a drink. "You shouldn't just sit around in the dark like that. You want a drink? I'm havin' some hot chocolate -- another thing we don't always have."
"I'm fine."
Kaylee frowned. "No, you're not, you're just pretendin'. Hot chocolate will make you feel better -- a little better, at least. I'm havin' some, so it's no trouble. I'm makin' some whether you say yes or not, and then you won't want to waste it, will you?"
Simon almost wanted to laugh at that. "I won't."
"There, then. Hot chocolate it is." She gave him a bright smile and, a moment later, a mug of hot chocolate. "It'll get cold fast, Serenity's a bit chilly lately. Drink up."
"Thank you."
"I can't sleep," she said, unexpectedly, dropping into the seat behind him. She gave him another of her smiles, this one confiding. "Always worryin' on something."
"The ship?"
"Oh, no, I'd know if there was somethin' wrong with Serenity. No, I mean, the others. Tracey, mostly."
"He likes you," Simon said, not sure why he was talking at all -- glad, though, for the warmth, and not just the warmth of the mug in his hands.
"I know, but he don't ever say anythin'. You'd think he wouldn't be shy, I mean, he's always runnin' his mouth and sayin' things no one else will, and gettin' himself into trouble, but he don't talk to me. Just gives me eyes and smiles."
"Maybe you should do something."
"I've been thinkin' about it." Kaylee grinned a little again. "Just picturin' Mal's face if I take Tracey to bed, though. Or if he finds out, rather."
Simon raised an eyebrow.
"I mean, he's caught me havin' sex before, but... He thinks I'm like a little sister or somethin'."
"Have you been on this boat for long?"
"Pretty long. Mal had another mechanic before me -- he was no good, though. He brought me on board to, well, he brought me on board and I fixed the engine after Mal caught us in the engine room. And then he just kicked the other mechanic off and brought me on board, and I ain't left since. I love this boat. She has a mind of her own sometimes, but she'll talk to you."
"That's quite a gift."
Kaylee shrugged a little. "I grew up putting engines together an' takin' 'em apart -- it isn't anything much. Just instinct. Right now she's runnin' smooth, she'd tell me if she weren't... That hum, that's the sound of her engines runnin' just fine, everythin' going just right."
Simon smiled a little and shrugged. "I couldn't tell."
"It's like a heartbeat, I guess. Or breathin'. You doctor people, I doctor engines." Kaylee finished up her hot chocolate, making a little face -- at the heat, Simon guessed. "I should probably get to sleepin'. Unless you want company."
A beat, and then Simon shook his head. "Go to bed."
"If you're sure. Night, Simon," she said, getting up, putting her mug by the sink. "Sleep well."
"Sleep well, Kaylee," he said, softly, and watched her go. He held the mug in his hands carefully, feeling the transient heat of it.
---
"We'll be there in less than a week now," the captain said. Simon looked up, sharply.
"I thought it would take longer than that."
An uncomfortable shrug. "You're an uncomfortable cargo. I don't know what you're runnin' from or to and I don't wanna know. I just want you off my boat."
"Don't take any risks that will make us conspicuous," Simon said, frowning a little. The captain rolled his eyes.
"I know how to take care o' my ship, boy. Dong ma?"
"I understand. Just warning you. If you make my mission more conspicuous, suspicion will fall on you, as well."
"Just tellin' you, we'll be there in a week," the captain said, jaw tightening. "Maybe less."
"I understand," Simon said again. He held the flutter of panic in tightly, clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. "I'll be ready."
"That's your affair, not mine," the captain said, gruffly, and then he was gone, going about his captainy business, whatever that was. Simon sat very still, very stiffly, just trying to keep that flutter of panic down. He had to do this. He had to.
"I'm coming, meimei," he whispered, but the words didn't steady him at all.
---
Simon was surprised out of a reverie by Kaylee, again. She smiled at him apologetically, but she didn't bother to stand awkwardly at the doorway, just slipped in -- as if no one had ever told her no, when she'd slipped in like this before. As if it was perfectly natural. And Simon made room for her on his bed, since that was the only space for her to sit down, just as if it was perfectly natural. "Sorry," she said, and smiled again. "Tracey and Mal are havin' a bit of an argument again. Thought I'd come somewhere a bit quieter, since I haven't got to be workin' right now. Serenity's ticking over smooth as a clock."
"That's alright."
"I'm not disturbin' you too much?"
"No, I was just... thinking."
"You've got a lot to think about, huh? I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, at all." She bit her lip. "Not that I know much about it, just what Mal ferreted out about you."
"He's been looking into my past?"
"A little. Just in case. You never really know..." She shrugged. "People usually aren't who they say they are, these days."
"What did he find out?"
"That you're from Osiris. But we could tell that from the accent already. You gave us your real name, didn't you? Simon Tam. So we found out you'd been to MedAcad, and that you were a doctor in a big fancy hospital on Osiris. That you'd grown up there. That you have both parents still alive. I don't remember their names. And your sister, River, she's..." Another shrug. "We didn't really find out anything about her, where she is now or anything. Just that she went to some government sponsored academy. But the resistance told Mal that you're on a mission to rescue your sister."
"That's true."
"What... happened? Was she some kind of rebel? Don't -- you don't have to answer if you don't wanna. It doesn't really matter. This is just me bein' curious."
"She was a little girl." Simon looked down at his hands as he spoke, not quite able to look into Kaylee's open, sympathetic face. "She wanted to go somewhere where the program would be tailored to her needs. She was -- she is -- extremely smart. I mean -- " He took a deep breath, steadying himself again, and looked up. "I'm very smart. That's... I graduated in the top three percent, in less than the time usually required. I'm a brilliant doctor, and I'm not saying that out of arrogance. River... makes me look like an idiot child. She started correcting my spelling when she was three. And she was graceful and she could do just about anything she put her mind to. And she was such a brat about it, but... she was my sister. I was proud of her, more than anything."
"Yeah," Kaylee said, slipping her hand into his. Simon started a little, but Kaylee squeezed his hand and smiled and he let it happen. It would, he thought, have been like attacking something vulnerable and sweet -- like kicking a puppy. "So what happened?"
"The academy, the government sponsored academy... It had the most exciting program for her, you know? She wasn't even old enough to go, really, but Father pulled strings and of course she went. She was clever enough, and she was ready. She sent me letters, at first. She was very excited, enjoyed everything. She was making a lot of friends, people who were just as clever as her... That hadn't happened often. Sometimes I could barely keep up with her, and I've told you what I'm like."
Kaylee smiled. "Sounds like it was just right for her."
"I thought so, too."
"So... I'm guessin' something went wrong."
"Yeah. I started getting stranger letters from her. She started talking about strange things, writing about things that hadn't really happened, or injokes that weren't... I figured out pretty quickly that it was a code. And it wasn't hard to figure it out once I knew that -- she didn't pick anything too far over my head." Simon bit his lip, trying to bite back the odd, bittersweet smile that he felt twisting his mouth. "It said, 'They're hurting us. Get me out.'"
"So you're trying to?"
"Yes."
"You've been trying a while, I guess."
"Years, now. I've found out a lot more, since then. I've found out more or less what they're doing to her. They're... playing with her brain, experimenting on her."
"I don't think I want to know any more than that," Kaylee said, and squeezed his hand again. "I wouldn't want you to tell me too much. I hope you can rescue her."
"Nothing I've told you will cause any problems." He found himself squeezing back a little. "Thank you."
"For lettin' you talk? Oh, Simon, everyone's gotta talk sometime. Tell me more about her, huh? The happy stuff."
"I..."
"No point in only rememberin' the bad stuff." Another squeeze. "C'mon. Tell me about what she was like when you were little. Did you used to play with her, or were you too grown up for her?"
"I played with her all the time."
"So tell me about it."
Simon took a deep breath. Kaylee smiled at him encouragingly, still holding his hand -- almost tangling their fingers. He tried to remember when he'd last felt a touch like that -- a touch that demanding nothing, but was still comforting, intimate. Her hands was warm and dry, seeming quite small in his. He could feel callouses -- not like River's hand, which would have been soft and neat, a hand that had never really had to do a day's work. Kaylee was from a whole different world to River. He found himself wishing they'd met, thinking that River would have liked her. She smelt like sweat and engine oil, and still somehow managed to make it smell sweet.
"Go on," she said, softly. "I'm listening, okay?"
"Yeah," he said. "Okay."
He had no idea where to start, and he couldn't seem to find a beginning, so he started with their games. He told her about River's playful side -- and all the things she'd made up for them to play. Word games and number games, games in other languages, games of hide and seek, games of dexterity. She usually won, except when she had let him win. He thought he was rambling, but he kept speaking anyway, telling her about everything he could think of -- arguments with their parents which she had defused, arguments with their parents that she'd made worse. The ways she'd got him into and out of trouble. The ways they'd misbehaved and the things they'd done that, even now, he rather thought had been good. The way they'd been close, closer than anyone. Eating -- stealing -- berries, eating them until they got stomach aches and didn't want their dinners.
"I wish I'd met her," Kaylee said, quietly. She was smiling but sympathetic at the same time, her eyes moist. "You really loved her, huh?"
"Yes, of course."
"My family were pretty close, too. I mean, I got to do pretty much whatever I wanted -- they let me come on Serenity, after all, gallivanting off away from home, and -- "
"Kaylee?" Tracey popped his head round the door. He looked like a kicked puppy, though he seemed to be trying to glare at Simon.
"Hey," she said, jumping up. She was smiling more than ever. Simon looked between them and shook his head at Tracey.
"I'm not encroaching on your territory," he said, to that hurt look. "All I care about is my sister."
Kaylee looked between them, confused. Tracey didn't look entirely satisfied.
---
"When you come back here, you'll be on the run," Zoe said, abruptly. She stood in the doorway to his room. Simon looked up from the capture he held in his hands.
"I'm used to that, by now."
"Already a wanted man, huh?"
Simon's smile had nothing of real warmth in it. He looked back down at the picture in his hands, his eyes tracking some movement in the image, his smile twisting on his lips. "I was a sniper for the resistance for two years. Draw your own conclusions."
There was silence for a moment. Zoe watched him watch the moving image, and then cleared her throat. "We're supposed to be giving you a lift. We've got paid enough to take you somewhere out of the way and drop you off. Not that we'll be considerin' it too hard. You could end up gettin' dropped someplace where's just enough atmo to keep you alive. If the captain decides you've pissed him off that much. You paid to be able to go anywhere for the askin', but since you're pretty much in our power here..."
"I'll have to take care not to irritate the captain, then."
"You could be useful, on board a ship like this. A doctor, like you. A sniper. Jayne's good but he's not that good. Looks scary, and what goes on in his mind would probably scare me, but there's not much loyalty or brain in him."
"What makes you think I would be loyal?" Simon asked, looking up, eyebrow raised.
"You don't seem like the kind to shoot someone in the back," Zoe said, shrugging.
"Don't I?" Simon asked. His eyes looked very distant for a moment. "I was a sniper, remember. I take the most convenient shot."
The silence was heavy, uncomfortable. Zoe left a moment later.
---
There was no blurring this time. No area of uncertainty. He was ready and he saw everything in clear cold lines. He spent the day before keeping to himself, except for when he went down into the hold. Kaylee went with him, but whatever she might have said died before it reached him, and she didn't watch him as he went through the cases, chose his weapons. There were guns, of course. He chose his guns carefully, picking for weight and how easy it would be to load. He had no room for error.
He prepared syringes: two of them. Did it carefully, measuring exactly. Taking his time. He did not allow haste.
He prepared explosives and more subtle things. He was always good with technology. Now he had to use that.
His hands were steady, steady, sure. He was steady.
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV
Main characters: Simon, River, Mal, Kaylee, Zoe, Tracey, Jayne, Inara, Book, Wash, OCs
Referenced characters: Simon's parents
Pairings: Implied Tracey/Kaylee (and Simon/River depending on your interpretation; it's not what I intended)
Contains: Angst, AU, violence
Rating: PG13
Summary: Simon began by searching for someone to help him save River. When he failed to save her, he decided he would go to any lengths to get a second chance. In the course of things, he finds himself on Serenity anyway. He is not particularly welcome, but that doesn't matter. Only River matters.
Notes: This is my
firefly_bigbang! Let's pretend I haven't cocked up a million times in the course of this! Thank you primarily to feywood, for the beta and the encouragement; thank you also to auroraprimavera for the encouragement. Thank you, yvi, for being so patient with my cock-ups! ♥ Title from Seth Lakeman's song, Circle Grows. Split into parts merely because it's too long for LJ to handle.Art: Here.
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV
The ship was called Serenity. He remembered the name from somewhere, but it didn't really matter. What it meant was that he had a chance. He had a chance to help River. That was the important thing; that was all that mattered. He had a plan and this time he had more experience to back it. He had a case full of weapons and a head full of plans and he was ready to do whatever was necessary, this time. River was being used -- played with, messed up. He'd said, he'd been promising he'd save her. She'd always known, somehow, that it'd be his job to play Prince Charming. He'd known, too, in a part of him that he didn't really care to acknowledge.
Well, then, it was time.
The boat didn't look like anything special. It looked like the kind of ship that was running on favours and promises; it looked like a last resort. Simon supposed that was appropriate. He'd run out of money a long time ago, and all he had now were promises and dispensations. He'd fit in well enough here -- and if he didn't, it wasn't as if it mattered. To think it did was to think like he was still a rich young man on Osiris, as if he had everything he needed and could obtain almost everything he wanted.
Now he had to be like anyone else, taking his chances where he found them, whatever they looked like.
The captain greeted him on the ramp. "All we're doing is transporting you," he said, gruff. He looked like he thought he was some kind of cowboy. Simon thought that was the fashion, out here on the Rim, the ragged edge. His gun was at his side, prominent. It was all rather unsubtle, but Simon couldn't smile. "Don't want to know what you're going to do when you get there," the man said. "Don't want to get caught up in it."
"I have no intention of telling you that kind of secret," Simon said, meeting the captain's eyes steadily. "You're not a member of the resistance. Why would I trust you?"
The captain snorted softly, though there was something approving in his expression. There were others behind him: crew members, Simon assumed. One of them made an impatient little movement, some little noise. The captain turned to him, eyebrow raised. "Tracey? Got somethin' you wanna be sayin'?"
"Sarge, we should help him," the boy said. He really was barely more than a boy -- there was something terribly open and ingenuous about his face, and there seemed to be a smile there just waiting to come out. Though, there was also a look which suggested life regularly delivered a kick in the teeth, too. He was the sort of boy that could fall on his feet, with money and guidance and time to grow up, space without need for responsbilities. Simon suspected that life would deliver none of these. "We should join the resistance. It's stupid, dodging around like this, pissing the Alliance off just a bit and never enough. We hate the way things are, why don't we ever try to change it?"
"You wanna see Kaylee in the middle of some great big battle?"
The boy didn't respond, his face falling. The captain nodded at him and then looked back at Simon. His eyes were narrowed: he seemed to be sizing Simon up. Simon cleared his throat. "My name is Simon. Tam. I was a doctor."
"Still a doctor, ain't you? Maybe you can pay your passage with your skills." Mal grimaced. "Boy thinks he's a hero -- he's a barely adequate medic, at a pinch. Wouldn't trust him in a gun fight, barely trust him in the infirmary when we need him. Leaves the place in a hell of a mess."
"Sarge!"
Simon ignored that. "My passage is already paid in full. You know that, Captain."
"Not much of a doctor if you'd let someone bleed to death."
"I wasn't aware that anyone would be doing any bleeding. You're not being paid to take a detour. You're on my business, not your own."
There was an uncomfortable silence and then the captain shrugged, nodded. "That's true enough. I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds. Mal. These are some of my crew -- Tracey, an' Zoe. Zoe's my second in command. She says something, you listen to her. Tracey, well, we're mostly just keeping him out of trouble."
Perhaps Tracey would, after all, fall on his feet, Simon thought. Not that it was any affair of his. "Small crew."
"There's more inside." Mal nodded slightly. "The pilot, Wash. Kaylee's our mechanic. We've got a companion on board. And a merc. Even a preacher."
"Unusual mix."
"We live life on the wild side," Mal said, dryly.
"I'm sure," Simon said, equally dry. There was a pause and then he nodded, carefully. "I'm coming aboard now, then."
"You don't, we'd leave without you," the captain said, with a brisk nod.
"With my fee? That would be a mistake."
Another pause, and then: "You got any baggage?"
"Just these," Simon said, indicating the two cases at his feet and the bag he carried. "Handle the cases carefully."
"I'll have you leave them in the hold."
"That will be fine." Simon picked up one of the cases and walked into the hold without any further invitation, stowing the case carefully. Zoe brought up the other one. "Are you going to strap them down?"
"No need," she said. "My husband's the best pilot you could ask for. They'll be perfectly safe."
"They'd better be. Some of the things inside these cases explode upon impact."
"Best tie 'em down," the captain said. He glanced at Simon. "You need to get anything from 'em, ask a member of the crew to bring you. I don't want you wanderin' about on your own."
"Of course."
"I'll show you your room," Zoe said, after a moment of silence. She nodded at the metal stairs. "That way. I'll introduce you to the rest of the crew, if they're about. No point to you spendin' this whole journey in your room alone."
"I'd rather he did," Mal said, but Simon -- and apparently Zoe, as well -- pretended not to hear.
Simon received a lot of advice from the others, before he left. Some of it had been terribly obvious, and some of it should have been obvious, but somehow he'd never thought of it. One of the pieces of advice he kept in mind at the meal was: Eyes and ears open, mouth shut.. It wasn't too difficult a maxim to keep in mind, especially in the rather noisy company of Mal's crew. They did seem a disparate bunch. The pilot -- Wash, Simon thought, wondering at the strange name -- was talking, brightly, to Kaylee, the mechanic. She had already tried to make friends with Simon, so open and honest that he wasn't able to keep from smiling back, from thinking that he would like to know her better. Wash wasn't really making much sense, at least not to anyone who didn't understand engines, but Kaylee was laughing, all bright and warm, and Simon thought that anyone would like to see that.
It made him think of River, even in the midst of that warmth and noise that had nothing to do with her. He tried not to think about it. Instead, he looked at the other members of the crew. He'd already taken the measure of Zoe, and of the captain. He noted, however, that the warmth touched the captain too, drawing him in, despite his attempts at distance. As Simon watched, he ruffled Kaylee's hair, smiled a surprisingly bright smile. Simon hadn't expected that of him.
The boy from before -- Tracey -- was there, too. He was making eyes at Kaylee. Every now and then she caught his eyes and smiled back, but Simon suspected that Tracey had never got up the guts to say anything to her about it.
The others, he hadn't yet met. There was the mercenary -- he could be nothing else, although they hadn't been introduced. He carried a large knife openly, even leaned across the table to stab something with it, transferring it to his own plate. Simon fought down his distaste, tried to show nothing, tried not to push himself forward into their company, but to remain outside it. To remain almost unnoticed. The preacher was distinctive, too, and before he ate he sat for a moment silently, eyes closed.
And then Inara. The companion. She is beautiful: Simon doesn't think anyone would dispute that. And she must be good at her job. Even here, she's a sensual presence, mysterious, dark-eyed.
"Simon?" Kaylee nudged him. "Don't you want any of the fruit? We don't get it often."
"Thank you," he says, taking a strawberry, smiling at Kaylee's enthusiasm. He felt the others' eyes on him, sizing him up, as he'd been sizing them up. It didn't matter.
"Is something wrong?" Kaylee asked, then, frowning just a little.
"Let him be, Kaylee," Mal said, shaking his head. "He wants to sit quiet, he's paid enough for it."
Kaylee bit her lip, but she did let him be -- for the moment, at least. Simon thought he should be thankful for that.
"If you really just want to sit quiet, I'll go, but... I thought you might be feeling lonely." Simon looked up to see Kaylee standing in the doorway, looking hopeful. She clicked on the light, padded through to make herself a drink. "You shouldn't just sit around in the dark like that. You want a drink? I'm havin' some hot chocolate -- another thing we don't always have."
"I'm fine."
Kaylee frowned. "No, you're not, you're just pretendin'. Hot chocolate will make you feel better -- a little better, at least. I'm havin' some, so it's no trouble. I'm makin' some whether you say yes or not, and then you won't want to waste it, will you?"
Simon almost wanted to laugh at that. "I won't."
"There, then. Hot chocolate it is." She gave him a bright smile and, a moment later, a mug of hot chocolate. "It'll get cold fast, Serenity's a bit chilly lately. Drink up."
"Thank you."
"I can't sleep," she said, unexpectedly, dropping into the seat behind him. She gave him another of her smiles, this one confiding. "Always worryin' on something."
"The ship?"
"Oh, no, I'd know if there was somethin' wrong with Serenity. No, I mean, the others. Tracey, mostly."
"He likes you," Simon said, not sure why he was talking at all -- glad, though, for the warmth, and not just the warmth of the mug in his hands.
"I know, but he don't ever say anythin'. You'd think he wouldn't be shy, I mean, he's always runnin' his mouth and sayin' things no one else will, and gettin' himself into trouble, but he don't talk to me. Just gives me eyes and smiles."
"Maybe you should do something."
"I've been thinkin' about it." Kaylee grinned a little again. "Just picturin' Mal's face if I take Tracey to bed, though. Or if he finds out, rather."
Simon raised an eyebrow.
"I mean, he's caught me havin' sex before, but... He thinks I'm like a little sister or somethin'."
"Have you been on this boat for long?"
"Pretty long. Mal had another mechanic before me -- he was no good, though. He brought me on board to, well, he brought me on board and I fixed the engine after Mal caught us in the engine room. And then he just kicked the other mechanic off and brought me on board, and I ain't left since. I love this boat. She has a mind of her own sometimes, but she'll talk to you."
"That's quite a gift."
Kaylee shrugged a little. "I grew up putting engines together an' takin' 'em apart -- it isn't anything much. Just instinct. Right now she's runnin' smooth, she'd tell me if she weren't... That hum, that's the sound of her engines runnin' just fine, everythin' going just right."
Simon smiled a little and shrugged. "I couldn't tell."
"It's like a heartbeat, I guess. Or breathin'. You doctor people, I doctor engines." Kaylee finished up her hot chocolate, making a little face -- at the heat, Simon guessed. "I should probably get to sleepin'. Unless you want company."
A beat, and then Simon shook his head. "Go to bed."
"If you're sure. Night, Simon," she said, getting up, putting her mug by the sink. "Sleep well."
"Sleep well, Kaylee," he said, softly, and watched her go. He held the mug in his hands carefully, feeling the transient heat of it.
"We'll be there in less than a week now," the captain said. Simon looked up, sharply.
"I thought it would take longer than that."
An uncomfortable shrug. "You're an uncomfortable cargo. I don't know what you're runnin' from or to and I don't wanna know. I just want you off my boat."
"Don't take any risks that will make us conspicuous," Simon said, frowning a little. The captain rolled his eyes.
"I know how to take care o' my ship, boy. Dong ma?"
"I understand. Just warning you. If you make my mission more conspicuous, suspicion will fall on you, as well."
"Just tellin' you, we'll be there in a week," the captain said, jaw tightening. "Maybe less."
"I understand," Simon said again. He held the flutter of panic in tightly, clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. "I'll be ready."
"That's your affair, not mine," the captain said, gruffly, and then he was gone, going about his captainy business, whatever that was. Simon sat very still, very stiffly, just trying to keep that flutter of panic down. He had to do this. He had to.
"I'm coming, meimei," he whispered, but the words didn't steady him at all.
Simon was surprised out of a reverie by Kaylee, again. She smiled at him apologetically, but she didn't bother to stand awkwardly at the doorway, just slipped in -- as if no one had ever told her no, when she'd slipped in like this before. As if it was perfectly natural. And Simon made room for her on his bed, since that was the only space for her to sit down, just as if it was perfectly natural. "Sorry," she said, and smiled again. "Tracey and Mal are havin' a bit of an argument again. Thought I'd come somewhere a bit quieter, since I haven't got to be workin' right now. Serenity's ticking over smooth as a clock."
"That's alright."
"I'm not disturbin' you too much?"
"No, I was just... thinking."
"You've got a lot to think about, huh? I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, at all." She bit her lip. "Not that I know much about it, just what Mal ferreted out about you."
"He's been looking into my past?"
"A little. Just in case. You never really know..." She shrugged. "People usually aren't who they say they are, these days."
"What did he find out?"
"That you're from Osiris. But we could tell that from the accent already. You gave us your real name, didn't you? Simon Tam. So we found out you'd been to MedAcad, and that you were a doctor in a big fancy hospital on Osiris. That you'd grown up there. That you have both parents still alive. I don't remember their names. And your sister, River, she's..." Another shrug. "We didn't really find out anything about her, where she is now or anything. Just that she went to some government sponsored academy. But the resistance told Mal that you're on a mission to rescue your sister."
"That's true."
"What... happened? Was she some kind of rebel? Don't -- you don't have to answer if you don't wanna. It doesn't really matter. This is just me bein' curious."
"She was a little girl." Simon looked down at his hands as he spoke, not quite able to look into Kaylee's open, sympathetic face. "She wanted to go somewhere where the program would be tailored to her needs. She was -- she is -- extremely smart. I mean -- " He took a deep breath, steadying himself again, and looked up. "I'm very smart. That's... I graduated in the top three percent, in less than the time usually required. I'm a brilliant doctor, and I'm not saying that out of arrogance. River... makes me look like an idiot child. She started correcting my spelling when she was three. And she was graceful and she could do just about anything she put her mind to. And she was such a brat about it, but... she was my sister. I was proud of her, more than anything."
"Yeah," Kaylee said, slipping her hand into his. Simon started a little, but Kaylee squeezed his hand and smiled and he let it happen. It would, he thought, have been like attacking something vulnerable and sweet -- like kicking a puppy. "So what happened?"
"The academy, the government sponsored academy... It had the most exciting program for her, you know? She wasn't even old enough to go, really, but Father pulled strings and of course she went. She was clever enough, and she was ready. She sent me letters, at first. She was very excited, enjoyed everything. She was making a lot of friends, people who were just as clever as her... That hadn't happened often. Sometimes I could barely keep up with her, and I've told you what I'm like."
Kaylee smiled. "Sounds like it was just right for her."
"I thought so, too."
"So... I'm guessin' something went wrong."
"Yeah. I started getting stranger letters from her. She started talking about strange things, writing about things that hadn't really happened, or injokes that weren't... I figured out pretty quickly that it was a code. And it wasn't hard to figure it out once I knew that -- she didn't pick anything too far over my head." Simon bit his lip, trying to bite back the odd, bittersweet smile that he felt twisting his mouth. "It said, 'They're hurting us. Get me out.'"
"So you're trying to?"
"Yes."
"You've been trying a while, I guess."
"Years, now. I've found out a lot more, since then. I've found out more or less what they're doing to her. They're... playing with her brain, experimenting on her."
"I don't think I want to know any more than that," Kaylee said, and squeezed his hand again. "I wouldn't want you to tell me too much. I hope you can rescue her."
"Nothing I've told you will cause any problems." He found himself squeezing back a little. "Thank you."
"For lettin' you talk? Oh, Simon, everyone's gotta talk sometime. Tell me more about her, huh? The happy stuff."
"I..."
"No point in only rememberin' the bad stuff." Another squeeze. "C'mon. Tell me about what she was like when you were little. Did you used to play with her, or were you too grown up for her?"
"I played with her all the time."
"So tell me about it."
Simon took a deep breath. Kaylee smiled at him encouragingly, still holding his hand -- almost tangling their fingers. He tried to remember when he'd last felt a touch like that -- a touch that demanding nothing, but was still comforting, intimate. Her hands was warm and dry, seeming quite small in his. He could feel callouses -- not like River's hand, which would have been soft and neat, a hand that had never really had to do a day's work. Kaylee was from a whole different world to River. He found himself wishing they'd met, thinking that River would have liked her. She smelt like sweat and engine oil, and still somehow managed to make it smell sweet.
"Go on," she said, softly. "I'm listening, okay?"
"Yeah," he said. "Okay."
He had no idea where to start, and he couldn't seem to find a beginning, so he started with their games. He told her about River's playful side -- and all the things she'd made up for them to play. Word games and number games, games in other languages, games of hide and seek, games of dexterity. She usually won, except when she had let him win. He thought he was rambling, but he kept speaking anyway, telling her about everything he could think of -- arguments with their parents which she had defused, arguments with their parents that she'd made worse. The ways she'd got him into and out of trouble. The ways they'd misbehaved and the things they'd done that, even now, he rather thought had been good. The way they'd been close, closer than anyone. Eating -- stealing -- berries, eating them until they got stomach aches and didn't want their dinners.
"I wish I'd met her," Kaylee said, quietly. She was smiling but sympathetic at the same time, her eyes moist. "You really loved her, huh?"
"Yes, of course."
"My family were pretty close, too. I mean, I got to do pretty much whatever I wanted -- they let me come on Serenity, after all, gallivanting off away from home, and -- "
"Kaylee?" Tracey popped his head round the door. He looked like a kicked puppy, though he seemed to be trying to glare at Simon.
"Hey," she said, jumping up. She was smiling more than ever. Simon looked between them and shook his head at Tracey.
"I'm not encroaching on your territory," he said, to that hurt look. "All I care about is my sister."
Kaylee looked between them, confused. Tracey didn't look entirely satisfied.
"When you come back here, you'll be on the run," Zoe said, abruptly. She stood in the doorway to his room. Simon looked up from the capture he held in his hands.
"I'm used to that, by now."
"Already a wanted man, huh?"
Simon's smile had nothing of real warmth in it. He looked back down at the picture in his hands, his eyes tracking some movement in the image, his smile twisting on his lips. "I was a sniper for the resistance for two years. Draw your own conclusions."
There was silence for a moment. Zoe watched him watch the moving image, and then cleared her throat. "We're supposed to be giving you a lift. We've got paid enough to take you somewhere out of the way and drop you off. Not that we'll be considerin' it too hard. You could end up gettin' dropped someplace where's just enough atmo to keep you alive. If the captain decides you've pissed him off that much. You paid to be able to go anywhere for the askin', but since you're pretty much in our power here..."
"I'll have to take care not to irritate the captain, then."
"You could be useful, on board a ship like this. A doctor, like you. A sniper. Jayne's good but he's not that good. Looks scary, and what goes on in his mind would probably scare me, but there's not much loyalty or brain in him."
"What makes you think I would be loyal?" Simon asked, looking up, eyebrow raised.
"You don't seem like the kind to shoot someone in the back," Zoe said, shrugging.
"Don't I?" Simon asked. His eyes looked very distant for a moment. "I was a sniper, remember. I take the most convenient shot."
The silence was heavy, uncomfortable. Zoe left a moment later.
There was no blurring this time. No area of uncertainty. He was ready and he saw everything in clear cold lines. He spent the day before keeping to himself, except for when he went down into the hold. Kaylee went with him, but whatever she might have said died before it reached him, and she didn't watch him as he went through the cases, chose his weapons. There were guns, of course. He chose his guns carefully, picking for weight and how easy it would be to load. He had no room for error.
He prepared syringes: two of them. Did it carefully, measuring exactly. Taking his time. He did not allow haste.
He prepared explosives and more subtle things. He was always good with technology. Now he had to use that.
His hands were steady, steady, sure. He was steady.
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV