FFVIII: Fool

[edenbound]

Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Pairing: Seifer/Squall
Warnings: Squall POV, angst, sap
Rating: PG13
Summary: Zell gives Squall some advice. To read other parts of the story, find the timeline here.


I flopped back against the seat and sighed, watching Zell eat his hot dog. Well, trying not to watch Zell, actually. It's not a pretty sight -- at least not when he has his mouth all stuffed full of bread and something that could have been meat, once upon a time.

"Wash 'p wiv yoo?"

I waited for him to finish his mouthful and then caught his wrist before he pushed another bite of hot dog into his mouth. "Zell... eat with your mouth closed, and don't speak with your mouth full. And repeat whatever you said."

He swallowed, wrenched his wrist from my grip and gave me a pacifying grin that just had me slumping back against my seat again. "I said, oh grumpy one, 'what's up with you?'"

"I'm not grumpy."

"Liar," he said, comfortably, tipping his chair back and gulping down the last bit of hot dog.

I looked down at my legs, pushing my chair back a little. I didn't want to talk. Or, well, no, it wasn't that, it was that I didn't know how to talk about it, and in the wake of Rinoa leaving me, I...

"You and Seifer..."

My head snapped up when Zell said that and he grinned.

"I'm right, aren't I? You and Seifer have gotten together."

There was something in his grin that I didn't understand back then, but back then I was too wrapped up in my own meaningless angst. Well, not all of it meaningless at the time, but now it just seems so pointless, all the worrying and grieving I did.

"Yeah," I admitted, and then changed my mind, "well, kind of."

"You fucked and he was gone in the morning?"

"The other way 'round," I said, quieter, heat rushing to my cheeks. I got up, not wanting to say a word more, but Zell grabbed my arm, looking more serious than usual. I'd seen that serious look a lot around that time.

"Don't be afraid of it. Okay? I know Rinoa fucked you over. But Seifer's your friend. He won't -- "

"Rinoa was supposed to be my friend," I said, softly.

Zell got up quickly then and before I knew what he was doing, wrapped his arms around me, squeezing. I guess it was a sign of how I'd changed, as well as of how miserable I was, that I didn't just shove him away. "Listen, Squall," he said, serious and sincere again, ignore the mutter of surprise from people around us in the cafeteria at the sudden gesture, "sometimes you just have to try things. Close your eyes and keep walking and pray you don't step off a cliff. That's the only way you're going to get anything good."

I pushed him away, then, and walked out, but I kept his words in mind, and when Seifer arrived at my dorm, smiling and acting as if I hadn't just walked out and left him in my bed before he woke, leaving him tangled up there in the covers, alone.

"Hey, Squall," he said, and I let him take my hand as he sat beside me. I heard him suck in a breath and I turned to him and just kissed him. He made a soft, surprised sound, kissing back, and then pulled away. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry if you regret what we did but," he grinned, "doesn't look like it."

"I did," I said, softly, fidgeting a little.

"Oh."

"But I don't now."

"Why the change?" he asked, but he'd already relaxed, his arms sneaking around me as if I wouldn't notice. I leaned against him, turned my face against his shoulder, smelling washing powder. It felt almost ridiculous to smell that; Seifer'd always been blood and sweat to me, my rival, and here he was smelling of washing powder and cologne like any normal man.

"I talked to Zell."

Seifer snorted, a splutter of laughter that drew a smile out of me too. I looked up at him, smiling at the expression on his face.

"What's funny about that?"

"Chickenwuss giving you relationship advice. I mean, okay, you're clueless, but he can't even figure out how to ask girls' names."

"It was general life advice, really," I told him, a little defensive on Zell's behalf.

"I see." He pulled me closer, hmming softly. "What did he say?"

"He told me not to be afraid," I said, quietly, and Seifer nodded and decided that he didn't know enough about the conversation to make any snide remarks. I leaned against him and let him hold me for a while, my heart thudding along a little too fast, half uncomfortable, half enjoying it.

"Would you be afraid if I said I loved you?"

I looked up quickly, meeting his eyes, and shivering at the intensity in them. "I might be."

"Well... I love you."

I tried not to be frightened by those words, and instead I kissed him, ran a hand through his hair and pressed close and let him make love to me on the sofa.