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Entry tags:
FFVIII: Self Pity
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Pairing: Squall/Rinoa, Seifer/Squall
Warnings: Quistis POV, Seifer POV, angst
Rating: PG
Summary: The price he pays.
Seifer is watching them again, from the shadow of a pillar. Squall and Rinoa, waltzing, the same as they did when they first met. There’s a world of pain in his eyes I can scarcely believe. I never thought he loved Rinoa that much, certainly didn’t think he’d still want her now. I thought that what there had been between them must have been, at most, a simple summer love, soon left behind.
I cross to stand beside him. His eyes flicker from the couple to me, and then back again. A bitter little smirk takes over his face. “Hey, Quisty. Enjoying yourself?”
“Not really. This thing isn’t my ideal evening.” Nor his, by the looks of it. I touch his arm gently to call his gaze to me, away from the dancing couple. “You don’t look like you are."
“Of course I’m not,” he snorts. “You think I enjoy watching the love of my life dancing with someone else? Or enjoy holding up this wall? Even the wall is getting rather sick of me, and it doesn’t know that I’m the ex-sorceress’s knight, ever hated and despised -- ”
“Self pity? From you?” I widen my eyes, a little mockingly.
“Yeah. From me.” His smirk widens, still a trifle bitter.
“Isn’t it time you let her go?” I ask, watching him watching the couple dancing.
“Her?” He snorts again, shrugging his shoulders. “I let her go a long time ago.”
And he leaves unspoken the words, ‘it’s him I love’. But I know it now. And all I can think of to do reach out and lay my hand on his shoulder, give it a comforting squeeze. He just shrugs, his eyes not leaving them, and I have to walk away, drawn into the dance by a bright eyed admirer. Leaving Seifer standing there, holding up the wall, and watching the love of his life dance with Rinoa.
----
He's dancing with her still, his movements much more graceful than the first time I saw them dancing. It's a bittersweet moment, watching her in his arms, and not because I still love her. I don't think I ever did love Rinoa. But I have always loved Squall.
They save this dance for each other. I've watched them before. They may dance the whole of the night apart, but not this dance, the first dance they danced together. Waltz for the moon. Waltz all over poor Seifer's battered little heart and leave him bleeding inside, more sorely defeated than ever, more like.
Yeah. Self pity. I hate it, but when he looks at her like the world's in her eyes, damn, it makes me so mad. And makes me long for him more. I want to be his world, not Rinoa. She may love him now, but he was just an easy way to get at me, at first, and she knows it. He's holding her in his arms and she casts her eyes over at me, taunting me for my jealousy. She'll probably never know that it isn't her I love. Not unless Quistis tells her, but I know Quistis.
Rinoa likes to punish me this way. She knows that I hated Squall, or she thinks I did, anyway, and she went so willingly over to him to hurt me because it seemed like I'd turned my back on her. Like saying that she thought he was the better man.
At least Quisty knows when to leave me alone. I don’t bother looking for her; she has plenty of admirers and I guess I’m honoured she had even a moment to come and tell me to get over myself. But there is a reason why I’m stood here torturing myself.
Squall, in motion, is always something to watch - whether dancing or fighting. Even if I didn’t love him I’d be drawn to him, drawn to watch his graceful movements. There’s something about him, a fluidity, that makes it all look easy. If I didn’t know what he did to master that grace -- fighting and dancing -- I’d think he’d never had to practice anything in his life.
They’re dancing close, and he lays his cheek against her hair, holding her tightly. I wish I could be the one dancing with him. He is completely unaware of this, of course. Not a soul, except Quistis now -- why did I even tell her? -- knows how I feel for him other than myself.
This is the price I pay, though. To have my moments watching him, I must watch him with another. I think it’s worth it.
Pairing: Squall/Rinoa, Seifer/Squall
Warnings: Quistis POV, Seifer POV, angst
Rating: PG
Summary: The price he pays.
Seifer is watching them again, from the shadow of a pillar. Squall and Rinoa, waltzing, the same as they did when they first met. There’s a world of pain in his eyes I can scarcely believe. I never thought he loved Rinoa that much, certainly didn’t think he’d still want her now. I thought that what there had been between them must have been, at most, a simple summer love, soon left behind.
I cross to stand beside him. His eyes flicker from the couple to me, and then back again. A bitter little smirk takes over his face. “Hey, Quisty. Enjoying yourself?”
“Not really. This thing isn’t my ideal evening.” Nor his, by the looks of it. I touch his arm gently to call his gaze to me, away from the dancing couple. “You don’t look like you are."
“Of course I’m not,” he snorts. “You think I enjoy watching the love of my life dancing with someone else? Or enjoy holding up this wall? Even the wall is getting rather sick of me, and it doesn’t know that I’m the ex-sorceress’s knight, ever hated and despised -- ”
“Self pity? From you?” I widen my eyes, a little mockingly.
“Yeah. From me.” His smirk widens, still a trifle bitter.
“Isn’t it time you let her go?” I ask, watching him watching the couple dancing.
“Her?” He snorts again, shrugging his shoulders. “I let her go a long time ago.”
And he leaves unspoken the words, ‘it’s him I love’. But I know it now. And all I can think of to do reach out and lay my hand on his shoulder, give it a comforting squeeze. He just shrugs, his eyes not leaving them, and I have to walk away, drawn into the dance by a bright eyed admirer. Leaving Seifer standing there, holding up the wall, and watching the love of his life dance with Rinoa.
He's dancing with her still, his movements much more graceful than the first time I saw them dancing. It's a bittersweet moment, watching her in his arms, and not because I still love her. I don't think I ever did love Rinoa. But I have always loved Squall.
They save this dance for each other. I've watched them before. They may dance the whole of the night apart, but not this dance, the first dance they danced together. Waltz for the moon. Waltz all over poor Seifer's battered little heart and leave him bleeding inside, more sorely defeated than ever, more like.
Yeah. Self pity. I hate it, but when he looks at her like the world's in her eyes, damn, it makes me so mad. And makes me long for him more. I want to be his world, not Rinoa. She may love him now, but he was just an easy way to get at me, at first, and she knows it. He's holding her in his arms and she casts her eyes over at me, taunting me for my jealousy. She'll probably never know that it isn't her I love. Not unless Quistis tells her, but I know Quistis.
Rinoa likes to punish me this way. She knows that I hated Squall, or she thinks I did, anyway, and she went so willingly over to him to hurt me because it seemed like I'd turned my back on her. Like saying that she thought he was the better man.
At least Quisty knows when to leave me alone. I don’t bother looking for her; she has plenty of admirers and I guess I’m honoured she had even a moment to come and tell me to get over myself. But there is a reason why I’m stood here torturing myself.
Squall, in motion, is always something to watch - whether dancing or fighting. Even if I didn’t love him I’d be drawn to him, drawn to watch his graceful movements. There’s something about him, a fluidity, that makes it all look easy. If I didn’t know what he did to master that grace -- fighting and dancing -- I’d think he’d never had to practice anything in his life.
They’re dancing close, and he lays his cheek against her hair, holding her tightly. I wish I could be the one dancing with him. He is completely unaware of this, of course. Not a soul, except Quistis now -- why did I even tell her? -- knows how I feel for him other than myself.
This is the price I pay, though. To have my moments watching him, I must watch him with another. I think it’s worth it.