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FFVIII: Push Me, Pull Me
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Pairing: Seifer/Squall
Warnings: Alternate Universe, sap
Rating: PG
Summary: Ultimecia left Seifer one last little problem to deal with. For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
ff_flashfic and fated_children. Only slightly AU.
"You're coming back to Garden."
Seifer didn't even look up. He kept his eyes focused on his fishing rod, forced his thoughts away from his former rival and Fujin's hostility towards him, and instead turned them on to the abstract things like the ripples spreading out across the water and Raijin's soft snores in the background. He was tempted to record the sound somehow, or get witnesses -- at least ten of them. Raijin always swore he didn't snore.
"Don't ignore me, Almasy," Squall said, softly, and Fujin stood up, her weapon appearing from almost nowhere. He had to smirk at a little at how quickly she sprang to defend him. She didn't even say anything. She just stood up, clearly guarding him.
Leonhart took a step back.
"Seifer. You've been pardoned. But you're not safe here. Come back to Garden with me, where you'll be safer. Fuck," and Squall let his frustration, his need to get his point across, slip into his voice as it so rarely did, his tone firm with conviction, "you don't have to become a student or become an instructor or anything. You can be a fucking janitor if you want, but come back."
Seifer turned round and looked Leonhart over. He was a bit taller than Seifer remembered, but it'd been a while since he'd seen him undistorted by a sorceress' manipulative ways. He was taller and stronger and all grown up, the scar across his forehead crinkled a little with his frown of worry. "Why are you so desperate to protect me?"
Squall just shrugged. "You're innocent, aren't you?"
"OF COURSE."
"Yes."
"He never wanted to do all of that, ya know?"
Squall glanced at Raijin, apparently not surprised by his sudden wakefulness. Probably since the incessant snoring had stopped some two minutes ago, Seifer realised. He stood up, brushing himself off, so he could meet Squall's eyes properly.
Fuck fishing.
Squall took a deep breath. "I know that you're innocent, Seifer. I never thought you would do any of that of your own accord. That's why I'm offering a place for you in Garden -- we fought against you the whole war, we hurt you a lot and we left you for dead more than once. Yet I knew you were still one of us."
"You pity me."
The words came out like it was something filthy -- the very idea of someone pitying him. It was, in a way, because Seifer hated it. Even from Raijin and Fujin he hated it and that was one of the reasons why they never did pity him. They simply stood by him, forever and always. Like they did now, one on either side, the only people he'd ever admit to needing.
"It's not that."
"You feel guilty, then."
Squall shrugged and met Seifer's eyes carefully. His eyes were a little less guarded than they had always been, warm with concern and maybe something close to contentment with his life. Except Seifer's refusal to say yes to his offer of sanctuary caused a troubled light there, too, one Seifer wasn't so sure he was pleased to cause any more.
"Will you come with me or not?"
"If Raijin and Fujin can come too."
The look of relief in Squall's eyes confused him. He turned away, back to his fishing rod, and steadfastly ignored Squall because of that, trusting Raijin and Fujin to deal with the rest of the situation while he pondered that relieved look.
"Come to Garden when you're done fishing, okay?"
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"We'll be there before sunset, ya know? Seifer'll get sick of fishing -- whoa, Fujin!"
"IDIOT."
Squall laughed and turned away, leaving Seifer confused and pleased and wondering exactly how much Squall had changed, exactly how things would be once he was back in Garden, once they had the opportunity again to be real assholes to each other.
-----
Squall gestured angrily at the charred corpse of the assassin. "You haven't been reissued with a guardian force and magic. How the hell have you done this? I understand that it was in self defence, but if you've stolen -- "
"I haven't stolen anything, Leonhart," Seifer growled, keeping in check the urge to push Squall across the hallway and right into, or possibly through the nearest wall, as hard as he possibly could. He took a deep breath, his jaw clenched. "I wouldn't touch your mind sucking guardian forces if you fucking paid me. Never have used them much except when I had to."
"And you still didn't get into SeeD."
"That's not the fucking issue and you know it."
Squall looked about to argue more, and then just shook his head, recognising that it was a low blow and not something they needed to discuss now, or ever again. It was the past and they'd just about managed to agree on that. "Fine. But you can't cast spells without the use of a guardian force. Except for people who can use blue magic, but a record is kept of all those people and you've never been seen to demonstrate -- "
"That isn't a good enough demonstration?"
"If I got Quistis to look at it, I suspect she'd say that that's no blue magic she's ever seen," Squall said, flatly. He took a step closer to Seifer, meeting his eyes squarely and crossing his arms in front of his chest. "It looks like a firaga spell to me. How did you cast it?"
"If I said I don't know?"
"You'd be lying."
Seifer looked away from Squall, shrugging slightly, nonchalently, as if none of this mattered to him. "Then I'm afraid I can't help. Any suggestion I make, you shoot down, but you don't have any theories of your own."
"I could get people who specialise in magic to analyse this and find out. It could cause you serious trouble if you still refuse to tell me. How did you do this?" Squall narrowed his eyes, stepping closer, and Seifer fought back two urges -- the urge to kiss him senseless, and the urge to kick the crap out of him. "Don't you trust me? I've already proved that I don't hold a grudge."
"You might hold a grudge once you find out what this is."
"You'll never know unless you tell me."
Seifer fought back some more uncomfortable urges and sighed, turning away from Squall and pacing along the hallway a little. Squall waited, and, damn him, he knew he'd won. Seifer knew that Squall knew that, because Squall just knew him that well. Finally, he took a deep breath. "I... I'm a sorcerer, I guess."
"Who...?"
"Ultimecia, of course. I was her knight, after all."
"But I thought Edea -- "
"I don't understand it myself, Squall. Don't push me. I don't understand it, I can't control it, but I have it and I know it's hers like I'd know Lionheart was yours even if I'd never seen you carrying it." Seifer found himself glaring into Squall's eyes like this was just another of their competitions, one of their little push-me-pull-me games. He clenched his jaw tight, clenched his fists, fought back the bubble of power inside him.
"So this assassin...?"
"I fried him without even knowing how. I don't have a knight to help me understand myself and my powers. Fujin tried, but... the bond just didn't take, somehow. Maybe that's my fault, too, for not understanding it."
"Shit."
Seifer raised an eyebrow, surprised by Squall cursing at all, let alone aloud. "What's wrong with you?"
Squall was smiling. Seifer found himself smiling back, unable not to when Squall was looking amused, almost laughing. "If you're accepting that you're in over your head, things must be bad."
"I never said I'm in over my head."
Squall raised an eyebrow, cocking his hip and putting his hand on it, almost mimicking Seifer's tone. "'I don't have a knight to help me understand myself and my powers'? 'Maybe that's my fault, too'?"
"Fine." The smile broke free again, and Seifer wondered at himself a little, wondered how he could be so easy and smile so quickly now when days before he was near screaming with frustration and annoyance at being, all of a sudden, the thing he least wanted to get anywhere near -- one of the few people who could use the power of sorcery. He forced himself to be more serious, biting his lip. "They're going to want to seal me, if they find out."
Squall shook his head. "I'll protect you."
Seifer wanted to say that he didn't need protecting. That he could look after himself just fine. But something in Squall's tone -- the sheer sincerity of it, the caring -- froze him to the spot and kept him there, looking into Squall's eyes and exploring the idea of having Squall to watch his back.
-----
Seifer knew Squall was coming towards him. That was the only reason he stayed relaxed, his eyes closed, slightly slumped on the bench. Normally he was bright and aware the moment his enhanced senses realised someone was coming near. But Squall didn't cause the fight-or-flight reaction of nearly everybody else in Garden. He brought no hostility with him, only an undefinable kind of warmth.
"Where are Raijin and Fujin?"
No greetings, just straight into the conversation, as always, and Seifer opened his eyes to smile slightly at Squall. "They bugged off for the day. Figured that with the Commander's approval I'd be safe enough round here without them watching my back."
"Any more control of your powers?"
"Not really. I've sort of gotten the hang of extending my senses, though. I can tell when someone is coming towards me and their intent, and Fujin says sometimes she can feel my magic. But for the rest..." He shrugged, tipping his head back with a soft huff. "No good. Haven't been able to cast a single spell since that fire spell. Seems I have to be at risk to unlock my powers."
"Or you need a proper knight."
"Or I need a proper knight."
He didn't really want a knight. Scary power was scary power, no matter whose hands it was in, even if it happened to be his hands the power was in. The longer the power stayed dormant, locked away inside him, the happier he was. Unless that caused him to go crazy like his own sorceress, unless he ended up manipulating someone, tugging their strings like they were a plaything, rewarding them with empty dreams and punishing them with unimaginable pain.
If it came to that, he'd welcome being sealed, he'd welcome having a knight, a protector, someone to keep him neutralised and stable and whatever the hell a knight was supposed to do.
He didn't want power.
He didn't want to shake up the world, had learned to be content with his little bit of it. In fact, he was getting damn tired of infamy, of pointing fingers and hate and staring everywhere he turned. He'd dreamed of being a knight, a good guy, admired. Instead, first he'd been a knight to a bitch of a sorceress, but then he'd become a sorceress himself with all the scary power at his fingertips.
Squall's elbow in his ribs jolted him out of his thoughts. "Seifer?"
"Sorry."
"It's okay. I suppose you have got a lot on your mind. Do you want me to go?"
Seifer blinked a little and shook his head quickly. "No, don't go. Until Fujin and Raijin get back, you're the only intelligent company I've got. Nobody else seems too quick to accept that I really didn't do anything."
"These people experienced the war at its worst... it's natural they wouldn't be able to forgive and forget quickly."
He snorted softly. "Bullshit. The people who really experienced the war at its worst have all forgiven me already. They're just holding a grudge because they saw people suffer and they don't understand I was one of them."
Squall frowned, a little confused. "Who would you say has forgiven you?"
"Oh, come on, Leonhart. You, Fujin, Raijin... you lead the fucking war, Fu and Rai stood by me all the way... you three had it bad, maybe worst. Rinny called to say she forgives me, too."
"I didn't know." Squall smiled, shifting a little to get more comfortable on the bench, incidentally also taking him closer to Seifer. Without even thinking, Seifer moved slightly so their upper arms were pressed together, a comforting warmth.
"Don't talk to Rinny much, then?"
"Not now, really."
Seifer nodded. "She gets a bit much at times."
"I noticed." Squall's smile turned almost shy, and it made Seifer want to laugh and, as always, want to kiss him. Suddenly he didn't want to talk about Rinoa anymore.
"So what work are you busy killing yourself with now, mister great commander sir?"
-----
"You're a stubborn jackass, Almasy!"
Seifer was pretty much stunned at Squall's tirade. He'd been burning off steam in the training center, full of wordless frustrations and nameless urges until they were driving him mad, until he almost thought he was going to burst open like a chrysalis and become a butterfly of pure power. It was all there and he couldn't touch any of it, sparkling magical power that could win him the world with the right knight beside him.
He'd run into a bit of trouble. He'd been okay with it. Had thought that if he got into real difficulty, his magic would come and save his ass as it had before. But he'd been near unconscious when Squall found him. He'd barely noticed Squall fighting the monster, didn't notice it's death at all, and didn't notice Squall's hands on him and cure spells tingling through him until all of a sudden he looked up, free of pain and no longer dazed, into concerned, angry, ice blue eyes.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
Squall pushed hard at his shoulders, pulling him up so they were standing. "What the hell is wrong with you? Wandering around the training center and getting into battles you can't win -- what's the point? Why didn't you run? Call for help?"
"I..."
Squall pushed at him again. "And now you're standing there and you don't even have an excuse for frightening -- "
He blinked when Squall stopped and swung round to look away from him. He took hold of Squall's shoulders firmly and forced him to turn around and face him. "Finish that damn sentence, Squally-boy."
Their eyes met for a few heartbeats and Squall was suddenly annoyed again, raising his voice a little. "I was fucking afraid for you, alright? You weren't even using your magic and if I hadn't got this feeling that you were in trouble..."
Something clicked into place. "Who says I wasn't using my magic?"
Squall met his eyes again, carefully. "You mean...?"
"You came, didn't you?"
"You... you stupid, stupid jerk."
Seifer was quite startled to find himself in Squall's arms, Squall's arms desperately tight around him and Squall's face pressed into his shoulder. He ran a hand down Squall's back awkwardly, trying to soothe him and fighting back the urge to force his head up, tangle a hand in his hair and kiss him dizzy.
"Let me protect you. Let me protect you properly," Squall mumbled, and Seifer nodded. He didn't trust his voice quite yet so he just nodded, kissed Squall softly when he looked up to check for a response. One kiss turned out to be decidedly not enough and they kissed a few more times before Squall gently pushed him away, his eyes demanding a reply.
"Yes," Seifer whispered, reaching to take Squall's hand into his. He could feel the warm tingle of power between them, through their joined hands, like the exchange of spells or the warm shelter of protective magic.
"What am I supposed to do?"
Seifer shrugged slightly. "Weren't you Rinoa's knight?"
"Not really. I protected her, but I never committed to it. Like you and Fujin, I guess."
"I need to cut your palm."
Squall reached into his pocket and pulled out a pocket knife, opening it and handing it to Seifer wordlessly. Seifer made the cut across his own palm carefully -- enough to bleed without hurting too much. He hesitated before cutting Squall's palm, biting his lip. "You're sure about this? There's no going back."
"As if I'd ever back out," he murmured, and Seifer smiled, nodding and cutting carefully, then lined up their cuts, tangling his fingers with Squall's. "Is this how Ultimecia did it with you?"
"No."
"Then..."
"This just feels right."
"Oh. You're... you're right, I guess."
Seifer leaned down and kissed Squall softly, pulling him closer. The bond felt much more natural than his bond to Ultimecia, and deeper, both of them giving their all to it. It was how it was meant to be and it made Seifer smile. It was a rather goofy smile, even, and it made Squall laugh in response.
"I still think you're a stubborn jackass."
"I'm starting to think that's your job."
Squall pressed close to him, kissing him softly. "Maybe. It's definitely my job to tell you when you're standing in a ridiculously dangerous place and ignoring a t-rexaur on the loose and coming this way."
Seifer smirked. "Wanna fight it?"
"Think you can handle it?"
He shrugged slightly, stretching a little and wiggling his fingers dramatically. "I want to see how well this sorcery thing works, since you're my knight now and we're stable and properly bonded and all that. I think I've got the hang of it now."
"You're using Hyperion too."
"If you insist, oh babysitter mine."
"You mean knight."
"I mean babysitter."
-----
"Nervous?"
Seifer perched on Squall's desk and leaned down to kiss him hard, tugging on his bottom lip with his teeth. When he pulled back he rolled his eyes at Squall, brushing his hair out of his face for him and running the tip of his finger down Squall's scar. "As if. You might be nervous, but I don't care what the other kiddies think. Having you as my servant is quite enough."
"Knight. Knight, not servant, you arrogant prick."
"Same thing."
"It's not -- Seifer, this is unfair and mmfff, that's -- "
Seifer stopped the whole debate with a few well placed kisses and a hand in Squall's hair. In fact, he forestalled any talking by refusing to let Squall stop kissing him -- not that Squall was complaining much -- refusing to pull away even when Quistis knocked on the door and then let herself and the others in. "Is this a bad time?"
Irvine coughed softly, dodging Selphie's playful poke. "It's a good time if you think those two look hot together."
Squall pushed away Seifer with a firm look and only the tiniest hint of a blush. With a sigh, the sorcerer stood up and leaned against the back of his knight's chair, toying with his hair a little. Squall huffed softly and batted the hand away, refusing to give Seifer a moment's more attention. "Sorry. We were arguing."
"That sure didn't look like an argument!"
"Not from where I was standing, either," Seifer agreed with Selphie. "And if it was, I was winning."
Squall glared at him, getting up and pushing him away from the chair, allowing Seifer to loop an arm around him tightly with an air of the long suffering victim. "Seifer, will you shut up? We have something important to say."
"You can go ahead and say it."
"Thanks," Squall said, drily, looking around. It'd taken a while to find a time when they were all free. He'd wanted to tell them all at once -- basically so if anybody got the wrong idea, they didn't spread it to the others before it'd been explained properly. Irvine was there, with his hat on Selphie's head and both arms round her waist. Quistis was there, in SeeD uniform, prim and proper as she'd ever been. And Zell leaned against the doorframe, giving Seifer a most distrustful look.
Quistis sighed softly, brushing an imaginary speck off her skirt and successfully managing to look both bored and like she had a horribly large number of other places to be. "What is it, Squall?"
Seifer sighed softly at what he could sense from them all. Cool curiosity from Irvine, a bright kind of curiosity from Selphie, a guardedness from Quistis and outright hostility from Zell. He supposed he deserved it. Only Squall was a truly calming presence, radiating all sorts of emotions it was useless to try putting names to but comforted him all the same.
"Seifer recieved a sorceress' power. Ultimecia's power, to be exact."
There. Said, it sounded so simple. Harmless.
And yet Seifer sensed the tension climbing to breaking point, and he straightened a little, back straight, magic battle ready. Ready to aid and protect and guide Squall, no matter what.
"But he's male," Quistis pointed out.
Seifer rolled his eyes. "Just because all the people you know who can use sorcery based magic have been female doesn't mean they all are, Trepe."
"I know it's... different. But I know he's a sorcerer, for sure. Because... I'm his knight."
There was a moment of silence.
"So... let me get this straight. Seifer is a sorceress now?"
Seifer kicked Zell's chair, making him overbalance so that the chair fell over and Zell landed on his back. He smirked down at him. "Sorcerer, chickenwuss. You know that bit where I'm a guy, not a crazy bitch with a complex about not being pretty enough?"
"Don't call me chickenwuss!"
"So don't call me a sorceress."
Quistis leaned down to help Zell up from the floor, rolling her eyes at Seifer and offering a tiny smile. Selphie grinned. Irvine gave him a slight nod, reappraising, beginning to approve.
They didn't forgive him. Not yet. But they were trying.
Pairing: Seifer/Squall
Warnings: Alternate Universe, sap
Rating: PG
Summary: Ultimecia left Seifer one last little problem to deal with. For
ff_flashfic and fated_children. Only slightly AU."You're coming back to Garden."
Seifer didn't even look up. He kept his eyes focused on his fishing rod, forced his thoughts away from his former rival and Fujin's hostility towards him, and instead turned them on to the abstract things like the ripples spreading out across the water and Raijin's soft snores in the background. He was tempted to record the sound somehow, or get witnesses -- at least ten of them. Raijin always swore he didn't snore.
"Don't ignore me, Almasy," Squall said, softly, and Fujin stood up, her weapon appearing from almost nowhere. He had to smirk at a little at how quickly she sprang to defend him. She didn't even say anything. She just stood up, clearly guarding him.
Leonhart took a step back.
"Seifer. You've been pardoned. But you're not safe here. Come back to Garden with me, where you'll be safer. Fuck," and Squall let his frustration, his need to get his point across, slip into his voice as it so rarely did, his tone firm with conviction, "you don't have to become a student or become an instructor or anything. You can be a fucking janitor if you want, but come back."
Seifer turned round and looked Leonhart over. He was a bit taller than Seifer remembered, but it'd been a while since he'd seen him undistorted by a sorceress' manipulative ways. He was taller and stronger and all grown up, the scar across his forehead crinkled a little with his frown of worry. "Why are you so desperate to protect me?"
Squall just shrugged. "You're innocent, aren't you?"
"OF COURSE."
"Yes."
"He never wanted to do all of that, ya know?"
Squall glanced at Raijin, apparently not surprised by his sudden wakefulness. Probably since the incessant snoring had stopped some two minutes ago, Seifer realised. He stood up, brushing himself off, so he could meet Squall's eyes properly.
Fuck fishing.
Squall took a deep breath. "I know that you're innocent, Seifer. I never thought you would do any of that of your own accord. That's why I'm offering a place for you in Garden -- we fought against you the whole war, we hurt you a lot and we left you for dead more than once. Yet I knew you were still one of us."
"You pity me."
The words came out like it was something filthy -- the very idea of someone pitying him. It was, in a way, because Seifer hated it. Even from Raijin and Fujin he hated it and that was one of the reasons why they never did pity him. They simply stood by him, forever and always. Like they did now, one on either side, the only people he'd ever admit to needing.
"It's not that."
"You feel guilty, then."
Squall shrugged and met Seifer's eyes carefully. His eyes were a little less guarded than they had always been, warm with concern and maybe something close to contentment with his life. Except Seifer's refusal to say yes to his offer of sanctuary caused a troubled light there, too, one Seifer wasn't so sure he was pleased to cause any more.
"Will you come with me or not?"
"If Raijin and Fujin can come too."
The look of relief in Squall's eyes confused him. He turned away, back to his fishing rod, and steadfastly ignored Squall because of that, trusting Raijin and Fujin to deal with the rest of the situation while he pondered that relieved look.
"Come to Garden when you're done fishing, okay?"
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"We'll be there before sunset, ya know? Seifer'll get sick of fishing -- whoa, Fujin!"
"IDIOT."
Squall laughed and turned away, leaving Seifer confused and pleased and wondering exactly how much Squall had changed, exactly how things would be once he was back in Garden, once they had the opportunity again to be real assholes to each other.
Squall gestured angrily at the charred corpse of the assassin. "You haven't been reissued with a guardian force and magic. How the hell have you done this? I understand that it was in self defence, but if you've stolen -- "
"I haven't stolen anything, Leonhart," Seifer growled, keeping in check the urge to push Squall across the hallway and right into, or possibly through the nearest wall, as hard as he possibly could. He took a deep breath, his jaw clenched. "I wouldn't touch your mind sucking guardian forces if you fucking paid me. Never have used them much except when I had to."
"And you still didn't get into SeeD."
"That's not the fucking issue and you know it."
Squall looked about to argue more, and then just shook his head, recognising that it was a low blow and not something they needed to discuss now, or ever again. It was the past and they'd just about managed to agree on that. "Fine. But you can't cast spells without the use of a guardian force. Except for people who can use blue magic, but a record is kept of all those people and you've never been seen to demonstrate -- "
"That isn't a good enough demonstration?"
"If I got Quistis to look at it, I suspect she'd say that that's no blue magic she's ever seen," Squall said, flatly. He took a step closer to Seifer, meeting his eyes squarely and crossing his arms in front of his chest. "It looks like a firaga spell to me. How did you cast it?"
"If I said I don't know?"
"You'd be lying."
Seifer looked away from Squall, shrugging slightly, nonchalently, as if none of this mattered to him. "Then I'm afraid I can't help. Any suggestion I make, you shoot down, but you don't have any theories of your own."
"I could get people who specialise in magic to analyse this and find out. It could cause you serious trouble if you still refuse to tell me. How did you do this?" Squall narrowed his eyes, stepping closer, and Seifer fought back two urges -- the urge to kiss him senseless, and the urge to kick the crap out of him. "Don't you trust me? I've already proved that I don't hold a grudge."
"You might hold a grudge once you find out what this is."
"You'll never know unless you tell me."
Seifer fought back some more uncomfortable urges and sighed, turning away from Squall and pacing along the hallway a little. Squall waited, and, damn him, he knew he'd won. Seifer knew that Squall knew that, because Squall just knew him that well. Finally, he took a deep breath. "I... I'm a sorcerer, I guess."
"Who...?"
"Ultimecia, of course. I was her knight, after all."
"But I thought Edea -- "
"I don't understand it myself, Squall. Don't push me. I don't understand it, I can't control it, but I have it and I know it's hers like I'd know Lionheart was yours even if I'd never seen you carrying it." Seifer found himself glaring into Squall's eyes like this was just another of their competitions, one of their little push-me-pull-me games. He clenched his jaw tight, clenched his fists, fought back the bubble of power inside him.
"So this assassin...?"
"I fried him without even knowing how. I don't have a knight to help me understand myself and my powers. Fujin tried, but... the bond just didn't take, somehow. Maybe that's my fault, too, for not understanding it."
"Shit."
Seifer raised an eyebrow, surprised by Squall cursing at all, let alone aloud. "What's wrong with you?"
Squall was smiling. Seifer found himself smiling back, unable not to when Squall was looking amused, almost laughing. "If you're accepting that you're in over your head, things must be bad."
"I never said I'm in over my head."
Squall raised an eyebrow, cocking his hip and putting his hand on it, almost mimicking Seifer's tone. "'I don't have a knight to help me understand myself and my powers'? 'Maybe that's my fault, too'?"
"Fine." The smile broke free again, and Seifer wondered at himself a little, wondered how he could be so easy and smile so quickly now when days before he was near screaming with frustration and annoyance at being, all of a sudden, the thing he least wanted to get anywhere near -- one of the few people who could use the power of sorcery. He forced himself to be more serious, biting his lip. "They're going to want to seal me, if they find out."
Squall shook his head. "I'll protect you."
Seifer wanted to say that he didn't need protecting. That he could look after himself just fine. But something in Squall's tone -- the sheer sincerity of it, the caring -- froze him to the spot and kept him there, looking into Squall's eyes and exploring the idea of having Squall to watch his back.
Seifer knew Squall was coming towards him. That was the only reason he stayed relaxed, his eyes closed, slightly slumped on the bench. Normally he was bright and aware the moment his enhanced senses realised someone was coming near. But Squall didn't cause the fight-or-flight reaction of nearly everybody else in Garden. He brought no hostility with him, only an undefinable kind of warmth.
"Where are Raijin and Fujin?"
No greetings, just straight into the conversation, as always, and Seifer opened his eyes to smile slightly at Squall. "They bugged off for the day. Figured that with the Commander's approval I'd be safe enough round here without them watching my back."
"Any more control of your powers?"
"Not really. I've sort of gotten the hang of extending my senses, though. I can tell when someone is coming towards me and their intent, and Fujin says sometimes she can feel my magic. But for the rest..." He shrugged, tipping his head back with a soft huff. "No good. Haven't been able to cast a single spell since that fire spell. Seems I have to be at risk to unlock my powers."
"Or you need a proper knight."
"Or I need a proper knight."
He didn't really want a knight. Scary power was scary power, no matter whose hands it was in, even if it happened to be his hands the power was in. The longer the power stayed dormant, locked away inside him, the happier he was. Unless that caused him to go crazy like his own sorceress, unless he ended up manipulating someone, tugging their strings like they were a plaything, rewarding them with empty dreams and punishing them with unimaginable pain.
If it came to that, he'd welcome being sealed, he'd welcome having a knight, a protector, someone to keep him neutralised and stable and whatever the hell a knight was supposed to do.
He didn't want power.
He didn't want to shake up the world, had learned to be content with his little bit of it. In fact, he was getting damn tired of infamy, of pointing fingers and hate and staring everywhere he turned. He'd dreamed of being a knight, a good guy, admired. Instead, first he'd been a knight to a bitch of a sorceress, but then he'd become a sorceress himself with all the scary power at his fingertips.
Squall's elbow in his ribs jolted him out of his thoughts. "Seifer?"
"Sorry."
"It's okay. I suppose you have got a lot on your mind. Do you want me to go?"
Seifer blinked a little and shook his head quickly. "No, don't go. Until Fujin and Raijin get back, you're the only intelligent company I've got. Nobody else seems too quick to accept that I really didn't do anything."
"These people experienced the war at its worst... it's natural they wouldn't be able to forgive and forget quickly."
He snorted softly. "Bullshit. The people who really experienced the war at its worst have all forgiven me already. They're just holding a grudge because they saw people suffer and they don't understand I was one of them."
Squall frowned, a little confused. "Who would you say has forgiven you?"
"Oh, come on, Leonhart. You, Fujin, Raijin... you lead the fucking war, Fu and Rai stood by me all the way... you three had it bad, maybe worst. Rinny called to say she forgives me, too."
"I didn't know." Squall smiled, shifting a little to get more comfortable on the bench, incidentally also taking him closer to Seifer. Without even thinking, Seifer moved slightly so their upper arms were pressed together, a comforting warmth.
"Don't talk to Rinny much, then?"
"Not now, really."
Seifer nodded. "She gets a bit much at times."
"I noticed." Squall's smile turned almost shy, and it made Seifer want to laugh and, as always, want to kiss him. Suddenly he didn't want to talk about Rinoa anymore.
"So what work are you busy killing yourself with now, mister great commander sir?"
"You're a stubborn jackass, Almasy!"
Seifer was pretty much stunned at Squall's tirade. He'd been burning off steam in the training center, full of wordless frustrations and nameless urges until they were driving him mad, until he almost thought he was going to burst open like a chrysalis and become a butterfly of pure power. It was all there and he couldn't touch any of it, sparkling magical power that could win him the world with the right knight beside him.
He'd run into a bit of trouble. He'd been okay with it. Had thought that if he got into real difficulty, his magic would come and save his ass as it had before. But he'd been near unconscious when Squall found him. He'd barely noticed Squall fighting the monster, didn't notice it's death at all, and didn't notice Squall's hands on him and cure spells tingling through him until all of a sudden he looked up, free of pain and no longer dazed, into concerned, angry, ice blue eyes.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
Squall pushed hard at his shoulders, pulling him up so they were standing. "What the hell is wrong with you? Wandering around the training center and getting into battles you can't win -- what's the point? Why didn't you run? Call for help?"
"I..."
Squall pushed at him again. "And now you're standing there and you don't even have an excuse for frightening -- "
He blinked when Squall stopped and swung round to look away from him. He took hold of Squall's shoulders firmly and forced him to turn around and face him. "Finish that damn sentence, Squally-boy."
Their eyes met for a few heartbeats and Squall was suddenly annoyed again, raising his voice a little. "I was fucking afraid for you, alright? You weren't even using your magic and if I hadn't got this feeling that you were in trouble..."
Something clicked into place. "Who says I wasn't using my magic?"
Squall met his eyes again, carefully. "You mean...?"
"You came, didn't you?"
"You... you stupid, stupid jerk."
Seifer was quite startled to find himself in Squall's arms, Squall's arms desperately tight around him and Squall's face pressed into his shoulder. He ran a hand down Squall's back awkwardly, trying to soothe him and fighting back the urge to force his head up, tangle a hand in his hair and kiss him dizzy.
"Let me protect you. Let me protect you properly," Squall mumbled, and Seifer nodded. He didn't trust his voice quite yet so he just nodded, kissed Squall softly when he looked up to check for a response. One kiss turned out to be decidedly not enough and they kissed a few more times before Squall gently pushed him away, his eyes demanding a reply.
"Yes," Seifer whispered, reaching to take Squall's hand into his. He could feel the warm tingle of power between them, through their joined hands, like the exchange of spells or the warm shelter of protective magic.
"What am I supposed to do?"
Seifer shrugged slightly. "Weren't you Rinoa's knight?"
"Not really. I protected her, but I never committed to it. Like you and Fujin, I guess."
"I need to cut your palm."
Squall reached into his pocket and pulled out a pocket knife, opening it and handing it to Seifer wordlessly. Seifer made the cut across his own palm carefully -- enough to bleed without hurting too much. He hesitated before cutting Squall's palm, biting his lip. "You're sure about this? There's no going back."
"As if I'd ever back out," he murmured, and Seifer smiled, nodding and cutting carefully, then lined up their cuts, tangling his fingers with Squall's. "Is this how Ultimecia did it with you?"
"No."
"Then..."
"This just feels right."
"Oh. You're... you're right, I guess."
Seifer leaned down and kissed Squall softly, pulling him closer. The bond felt much more natural than his bond to Ultimecia, and deeper, both of them giving their all to it. It was how it was meant to be and it made Seifer smile. It was a rather goofy smile, even, and it made Squall laugh in response.
"I still think you're a stubborn jackass."
"I'm starting to think that's your job."
Squall pressed close to him, kissing him softly. "Maybe. It's definitely my job to tell you when you're standing in a ridiculously dangerous place and ignoring a t-rexaur on the loose and coming this way."
Seifer smirked. "Wanna fight it?"
"Think you can handle it?"
He shrugged slightly, stretching a little and wiggling his fingers dramatically. "I want to see how well this sorcery thing works, since you're my knight now and we're stable and properly bonded and all that. I think I've got the hang of it now."
"You're using Hyperion too."
"If you insist, oh babysitter mine."
"You mean knight."
"I mean babysitter."
"Nervous?"
Seifer perched on Squall's desk and leaned down to kiss him hard, tugging on his bottom lip with his teeth. When he pulled back he rolled his eyes at Squall, brushing his hair out of his face for him and running the tip of his finger down Squall's scar. "As if. You might be nervous, but I don't care what the other kiddies think. Having you as my servant is quite enough."
"Knight. Knight, not servant, you arrogant prick."
"Same thing."
"It's not -- Seifer, this is unfair and mmfff, that's -- "
Seifer stopped the whole debate with a few well placed kisses and a hand in Squall's hair. In fact, he forestalled any talking by refusing to let Squall stop kissing him -- not that Squall was complaining much -- refusing to pull away even when Quistis knocked on the door and then let herself and the others in. "Is this a bad time?"
Irvine coughed softly, dodging Selphie's playful poke. "It's a good time if you think those two look hot together."
Squall pushed away Seifer with a firm look and only the tiniest hint of a blush. With a sigh, the sorcerer stood up and leaned against the back of his knight's chair, toying with his hair a little. Squall huffed softly and batted the hand away, refusing to give Seifer a moment's more attention. "Sorry. We were arguing."
"That sure didn't look like an argument!"
"Not from where I was standing, either," Seifer agreed with Selphie. "And if it was, I was winning."
Squall glared at him, getting up and pushing him away from the chair, allowing Seifer to loop an arm around him tightly with an air of the long suffering victim. "Seifer, will you shut up? We have something important to say."
"You can go ahead and say it."
"Thanks," Squall said, drily, looking around. It'd taken a while to find a time when they were all free. He'd wanted to tell them all at once -- basically so if anybody got the wrong idea, they didn't spread it to the others before it'd been explained properly. Irvine was there, with his hat on Selphie's head and both arms round her waist. Quistis was there, in SeeD uniform, prim and proper as she'd ever been. And Zell leaned against the doorframe, giving Seifer a most distrustful look.
Quistis sighed softly, brushing an imaginary speck off her skirt and successfully managing to look both bored and like she had a horribly large number of other places to be. "What is it, Squall?"
Seifer sighed softly at what he could sense from them all. Cool curiosity from Irvine, a bright kind of curiosity from Selphie, a guardedness from Quistis and outright hostility from Zell. He supposed he deserved it. Only Squall was a truly calming presence, radiating all sorts of emotions it was useless to try putting names to but comforted him all the same.
"Seifer recieved a sorceress' power. Ultimecia's power, to be exact."
There. Said, it sounded so simple. Harmless.
And yet Seifer sensed the tension climbing to breaking point, and he straightened a little, back straight, magic battle ready. Ready to aid and protect and guide Squall, no matter what.
"But he's male," Quistis pointed out.
Seifer rolled his eyes. "Just because all the people you know who can use sorcery based magic have been female doesn't mean they all are, Trepe."
"I know it's... different. But I know he's a sorcerer, for sure. Because... I'm his knight."
There was a moment of silence.
"So... let me get this straight. Seifer is a sorceress now?"
Seifer kicked Zell's chair, making him overbalance so that the chair fell over and Zell landed on his back. He smirked down at him. "Sorcerer, chickenwuss. You know that bit where I'm a guy, not a crazy bitch with a complex about not being pretty enough?"
"Don't call me chickenwuss!"
"So don't call me a sorceress."
Quistis leaned down to help Zell up from the floor, rolling her eyes at Seifer and offering a tiny smile. Selphie grinned. Irvine gave him a slight nod, reappraising, beginning to approve.
They didn't forgive him. Not yet. But they were trying.